You Won't Batter Anymore

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(Much as I am reluctant to tamper with The Master.....)



There you go and, Baby, here am I

Well, you left me here with all this fish to fry

I’ve thawed this cod and now you’ve quit your job

And you won’t batter anymore.


You bastard, Trish! So now you’ve got your wish

You left me here with all this fucking fish

There’s no flour dips so all we got is chips

Cos you won’t batter anymore.


There’s no use in me a-cryin’

I’ve run out of mix and now I’m stuck for fryin’

I’m beggin’ on my knees

We’ve pans of mushy peas

Cos of you.


So you’ve gone your way; I’m on my own

With packs of frozen haddock weighing seven stone

Your leaving means that I’ve just chips and beans

Cos you won’t batter anymore.


Just a minute!  Here’s the butcher’s boy

Well, shit a brick!  He’s brought more saveloy

“Damn your eyes!  I ordered tatie pies!

Cos she won’t batter anymore”.


There’s no use in me a-cryin’

I’ve run out of mix and now I’m stuck for fryin’

The lousy Koh-i-noor

Has got ‘em queueing out the door

Cos of you.


I’d wring your neck because I swear to God

Since you’re such a fuckin’ selfish sod

We can’t sell haddock and we can’t sell cod

Cos you won’t batter anymore.

You won’t batter anymore.

◄ Their Finest Hour

Together ►


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Yvonne Brunton

Mon 30th Apr 2012 19:02

hurrah another corker from the Coopey collection!I don't care if Buddy would turn in his 'gravy' Great Stuff!

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M.C. Newberry

Mon 30th Apr 2012 15:28

Another treat from the Master of "Hit Song Revision". I squirm with anticipatory delight at what you might do with a title like "The Wayward Wind"!!

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Lynn Dye

Mon 30th Apr 2012 09:54

I agree, John, it's another gem, hugely entertaining.

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winston plowes

Sun 29th Apr 2012 23:14

John, another fine rendition to keep us amused. Thankyou.

Greg, I have strong boyhood memories of the Selby friers. There was this one chip shop (On Gowthorpe in the middle of the town). We called it "Fatty Bowls'" The two elderly brothers serving were always decked out in matching white 'overalls'. Must get more accurate details from my mum. lol

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Greg Freeman

Sun 29th Apr 2012 22:56

Conjures up images of a fraught fryer in a Selby chippie on a Friday night, with plenty of salty language! Another gem. You must have enough songs for a CD by now, John. Please put me down for one.

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