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The Whisper of Miss El

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Through hills, fallow fields,

look-out towers, and

chattel houses - I feel you.

 

Amongst the palm,

flamboyant and paw paw trees

and as the Black-belly sheep graze - I see you.

 

You whisper in my ear as the

sea breezes

atop Bathsheba Rock.

 

Up Gun Hill, across the length of the East Coast Road

and down Cattlewash

- I remember you:

 

My childhood summers and

formative years belong to you

and our Yesteryear.

 

You are the Pride of Barbados,

Eleanor Ida

and this island is no longer in bloom.

 

◄ Prosecco'd

Grandad's Feet ►

Comments

<Deleted User> (10422)

Tue 12th Jun 2012 21:57

Beautiful.

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Harry O'Neill

Sun 3rd Jun 2012 14:21

Alanna,
Nice, spare, use of unfamiliar place-names and fauna and the windier side of Barbados to pay tribute to a person,

It`s a good contrast with your -equally spare -
and earlier `Stunned` which is impressively intimate (and which I somehow missed)

Keep `em comin`

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Julian (Admin)

Sun 3rd Jun 2012 08:13

I missed this first time round, Alanna. It is wonderfully evocative and atmospheric. I agree, change it not. As interesting as Alan's ideas are, that would be a different poem.
Long time no see.

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Alanna

Sat 2nd Jun 2012 17:50

Thank you all for your comments, gave me lots to think and reflect on..I'm feeling that I may leave it in its current state - the poem is pretty much true to the flow of thoughts I had on the bus, and there is something interesting about that.
Thanks again.

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Tom Harding

Tue 10th Apr 2012 21:57

Lovely images, evocative stuff.

<Deleted User> (10123)

Mon 9th Apr 2012 11:44

if these are the drafts i can't wait for the more considered version. i like this a great deal. chow for now, Nick.

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Andy N

Mon 9th Apr 2012 10:10

excellent stuff - the last two stanzas in particular.. powerful writing

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Yvonne Brunton

Mon 9th Apr 2012 01:19

Lovely poem. The spirit of the isle is calling to you but time does not stand still.

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Graham Sherwood

Sun 8th Apr 2012 19:16

Don't change a thing. Captivating!

Alan Pascoe

Sun 8th Apr 2012 16:41

Alanna,Some lovely images but you're not pushing your talent to the very edge. Could you intercut each stanza with the voice of Eleanor Ida? It would make the poem stronger and give it more dimension if we heard HER voice, even if it's only as metaphor.

After the first stanza indent a stanza with her voice. This will bring the distance between their voices closer together. Each is aware of the others presence, yet their separation still continues, as it always will.You have a real skill for editing. Superb!

<Deleted User> (6315)

Sun 8th Apr 2012 14:14

Def worth a post Alanna..so many good lines and a great ending too..ta for posting :)

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Alanna

Sun 8th Apr 2012 10:44

Wrote this whilst on a scenic bus tour in Barbados last year...this is a few drafts in. Not sure, but worth a post anyway.

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