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As I walked in the inn there’s a silence within

All eyes turned upon this stranger

I asked “Bed and Board?” but the landlady roared,

“Youwavinalarf naar, aincha?”


“Bedan’ board, you ponce?” went on her response

If I could then I would have ignored her,

“Do me a fiva!” and finally gave a

Decision,  “Yourwoightaartofoder”.


Then her daughter appeared; I ogled and leered

And I stood there admiring the view

As a roar from the South erupts from her mouth

And the landlady shouted out, “Phiu!”.


“So piss orf, you spenner; this is my mennerr!”

His language went right off the scale;

With a flea in my ear I left and next year

I think I shall try Beckindale.

◄ Father and Son

Tontine ►


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Tue 10th Jan 2012 16:35

Very very very funny. I've long hated Eastenders. Ever since seeing a male rape scene when Dirty Den was in prison (yes that's how long ago I watched it). I don't think it is suitable for children to watch - full of nasty low lifes. Mind you, I imagine lots of other soaps are probably catching it up for vileness.

I love your send up. I would have to concede that proper Eastenders can be really lovely though - like proper Liverpuglians. I can remember being in that neck of the woods once many years ago and being really welcomed - I think they liked the Northern accent. It's all to do with community innit?

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 10th Jan 2012 15:20

Why not try Emmerdale? It's north of Watford (and
Walford!) :-)

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Dave Bradley

Tue 10th Jan 2012 00:04

Hilarious. Up there with your best.

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