Father and Son
(Poets have, for centuries, tried to capture the essence of the perfect woman)
As you approach twenty-one
Get out there and start to have fun
But before you start kissing
It’s time you should listen
To a father’s advice to his son.
It’s important you don’t end up stuck
With a woman unable to cook
So ignore all their bitching
They belong in the kitchen
With Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s book.
And a woman with warmth and with charm
Who’s always so cool and so calm
Who talks sport and art is
A winner at parties
Will always look well on your arm.
And you’ll never have words or a row
With a woman who pulls on a plough
Cos you’ll never need tell her
“Get t’coal up from t’cellar”
Or “Muck out that pig or that cow”.
And everyman’s boastful and brags
When his girl’s like those footballer’s wags
When she’s such a good-looker
Photographers took her
Snaps for celebrity mags.
But their strength and their cooking and grace
And beauty will fade without trace
So a word to the wise
In that what I advise
Is a woman who’ll sit on your face.