Ain’t Never Been So Precious

 

I ain’t never been so precious

With owt I’ve pissed on before

As I laid it down dead gentle

On the bathroom floor

Cushioned with Cushelle

I waited perched on the loo

Already knew the protocol

Knew exactly what to do

With one line

I’d sigh ‘not this time’

And try, try again

I eventually decided this one were fucked

Weren’t showing me nowt but a flood of dye

I debated chucking it

But (and I don’t know exactly why)

I carried it to the edge of the sink

And before I could think

In a couple of blinks

There were two pink lines

And I cried

And I’m not sure why

But my fingers and toes tingled

With pins and needles

And my mind went into overdrive

Processing futures and fortunes and fears

I called him in like I had before

And as he loitered by the door for a sec

I guess he didn’t know just what to expect

Whether depression or elation

Celebration or commiseration

But I never really needed to speak

‘Cause I guess my grin

Explained everything

That we suddenly had

And through stunned tears

I just about managed to squeak

‘You’re gonna be a Dad’