Today I’m going to teach you a lesson.  Anything. 

We’ve had enough of algebra and conjugating verbs

I’m going to conjugate you.  It is an ordinary lesson,

You walk in and talk crap and we shut down.

 

I squash your control with a flick of my ruler

Across a geeks head. Love that scream, everyone laughs

You scream at the top of your voice like my name counts

No one cares, I care less.  You write my name on the board

I teach you who’s directing and who’s taking direction.

 

I am a genius. In school Einstein went unnoticed,

But I’ve got your attention and today I am going to change your world.

I beat out a rhythm under the desk with one hand

And piss on the pants of the fool sitting in front of me using my other. 

VAK, visual, auditory and kinaesthetic learning all in one easy move.

Top that!  “Must, should, could” do what I f****** please.

 

I pour your resolve all over the floor.  I jump up and down

And splash in it.  I see that it is good. Teachers get so panicky.

They don’t appreciate the breadth of this education.

 

There’s nothing left to teach you this lesson. The kid gets up

And runs out crying.  You shout so loud everyone else wants to piss their pants laughing. You walk out sniffling carrying your Kleenex.

All eyes in the classroom glitter suddenly. I get a full-on high five.