Those days are over when we ruled the seven seas
And when we wanted money we could rob the Portugese
'Cos now they're robbing us through the european coffers
And there isn't any fighting, they just come and take it off us
You buggers are too healthy and you're living far too long
Now that's all fine and dandy when economies are strong
Even for the reaper, times are hard and things look grim
A lot of you have cancelled your appointments with him
But drastic situations, well they call for drastic measures
And we don't mean just the usual increased tax on all your pleasures
We've decided that we just can't afford you to retire
We've upped your contributions and retirement age is higher
Our optimised projections bring it out at eighty two
There'll be no jobs available for youngsters coming through
And just in case you live that long, I feel I ought to mention
We've raided all the piggy banks, there's nothing in your pension
So our new legislation if you reach retirement age
Says you have to pay survival tax based on your average wage
Now don't go straining joints with any swift knee jerk reaction
'Cos we haven't got the beds and we can't afford the traction
The expensive new computer system at the NHS
It can't tell arse from elbow so the place is in a mess
We'll have to pull together, all for one and one for all
Bugger all your savings plans 'cos they're worth bugger all
You'll soon learn to live with things and honour our new rule
We're all off to Portugal to sunbathe by the pool