Experimental Podiatry in 9 1/2 Weeks

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Of all the joints in all the towns in all the world, he walks onto mine…


He read me like a Mills & Boon

thought he knew my heart’s desire

swept me off my corny feet

set curled up toes on fire


For him podiatry was challenge

experimental, avant guarde

ejaculatory pedi-torture

hammered toes blown fast and hard


He innovated long and often

loved to take me by surprise

took me till my arch was aching

used techniques I’d never tried


He plied a form of reflexology

that turned convention on its head

never touched a metatarsal

but rubbed extremities instead


Such lewd and torrid tantric teasing

rejuvenated my poor heart

de-rheumatised my faint phalanges

pricked every podiatric part


He was a smooth and lucid walker

lulled me with his lists of words

food and filth in random ordure

no rhyme or reason to be heard…


I never saw the climax coming

to this podiatric tale

so blinded I by his assertion

the twisted turns of alpha male


So when he tied me to another

for a leggy threesome race

surprise akin to shock and horror

stamped itself  upon my face


How could he liken me to others

who’d skip and jump at any chance?

both my feet were firmly planted

and knew full well who wore the pants…


He’d read me wrong - a big faux pas

I was no weak damselle

I wouldn’t toe his sordid line

but surprise him good and well


If podiatry was food of love

revenge it was a dish

best served hot and steamy

whipped up from meat and fish


Drizzled with formaggio

pickled peppers, parmesan

bunged inside his oven

then served up ‘au gratin’


Let my story serve as warning

to podiatrists who prize

above the need to stimulate

the need to just surprise


Let’s treat our soles to gaiety

to pathos or to pain

engage our balls emotively

and whilst we do it





◄ Warning

Shoes, Feet and all things Podiatric Competition Results ►


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Thu 30th Jun 2011 08:48

Thanks Jeff/Andy for your comments. I don't think I'll be performing this one, even though it reads like a performance poem. There is too much allusion in it that an audience wouldn't get - the whole podiatry thing for one and other allusions that would take too long to explain. I'm glad that you both enjoyed it though. That's probably cos you are both into music - I must admit to liking a musical backing - I should try to write more stuff like that - it creates a certain atmosphere if you can get it right. xx

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Andy N

Thu 30th Jun 2011 08:14

perfect way to make me smile this morning..I agree with Jeff though - it is a bit long for my tastes too.. would like to see you read that too with the music if possible... A

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 30th Jun 2011 07:34

Hi Isobel, enjoyed this, think you should have stuck mainly to the saucy innuendo stanzas though, its probably a little too long for me. Good idea though whether fantasy or true!

Probably could have done with the music playing all through, if you have it on CD you could perform it at Bolton WOL. Anyway, hope you're well, not had chance to get to wigan lately! Thanx for comment on poem, very sad, I;m just glad it's hopefully over for them now Jeff X

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Cate Greenlees

Sun 26th Jun 2011 21:33

Such a clever fun piece Isobel! A great performance one too!
Cate xx

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Sun 26th Jun 2011 16:32

Thank you very much for the feedback. Sorry if it isn't that clear what I am saying Ann. There is a sub text that possibly 99% of people won't get - I shan't bother to explain it though.

You probably have to have watched the film 91/2 weeks to understand all the sexual references. It was to do with pushing the sexual boundaries out and stepping over limits.

I had immense fun writing and recording this which is more important for me than the number of comments I get on it. I just loved the Coldplay music at the end also ;-) x

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Dave Bradley

Sat 25th Jun 2011 18:30

Naughty but nice

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Ann Foxglove

Sat 25th Jun 2011 17:39

Hi-larious! Love the way you used music in this. ("lewd and torrid tantric teasing" my fave bit).Didn't understand most of it though - it went above my head - or below my size 6's!xx

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Sat 25th Jun 2011 16:18

This is so clever and funny!
And the double entendres - oh là là !

p.s. Wonder if they pick up on the homage paid... ; )

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