Escape

Every morning
while you sleep in my arms,
I try to avoid
looking at the dawn
been struck from the skies
like candles blown out
one by one.

Every morning
I try to avoid
looking at the dawn
while you sleep in my arms,
and the breeze
dances across the other side
of your spluttered curtains.

But every morning
I lie hidden beneath your hair
on the edge of our bed
and watch the mon
wink at me
before the sun properly
wakes up.

I watch it pause
for a few minutes
almost like it is
making its mind up
about whether to hide at
the tip of the slanted ocean

or underneath the deserted pier.

And I know
I'll never want to escape.

(NB. A massive re-edit from a very old poem
for the 'Escape' comp)

escape

◄ Lost Shadows

Summer is Here ►

Comments

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Andy N

Thu 6th Oct 2011 10:28

Thanks Nima.. I love this one too... Typical of the way my poetry goes sometimes - it was one of the quickest I've wrote recently - wrote mostly between feeding two very hungry cats! lol x

<Deleted User> (9734)

Sun 2nd Oct 2011 12:00

I love this poem.. It is very strong

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Andy N

Sun 19th Jun 2011 21:23

thanks katy lisa - glad you liked it - you know already my answer to your comment here - lol x

<Deleted User> (9423)

Sat 18th Jun 2011 00:50

beautiful poem very deep I love you too

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Andy N

Thu 9th Jun 2011 22:35

thanks to all for the comments here.. the piece actually was originally wrote for a workshop a few years back (i can't remember now what we had to write exactly) but when dave announced the comp, it was straight away a contender for totally rewriting.. Andy N

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winston plowes

Sun 5th Jun 2011 01:19

And a great edit it is Andy, nicely read the other night. Win x

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Elaine Booth

Sat 4th Jun 2011 14:20

Such a gentle touch you have, Andy. If I can presume, if this is real for you, then I have to say I am so happy for your happiness. Loved it when you read it the other night. X

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Francine

Sun 29th May 2011 17:18

This has a very dreamy feel to it.
I also like the lines:

'the tip of the slanted ocean
or underneath the deserted pier.'

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Ann Foxglove

Sat 28th May 2011 15:00

I like this too Andy. Your poems always have a freshness about them. And Isobel - of course you aren't a miserable bastard! I haven't even come up with a poem at all for the theme - so that makes me a double miserable bastard - but I don't think the word bastard seems to apply to women. Maybe we're miserable bastardess's - like shepherdess's only different! ;)

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Isobel

Sat 28th May 2011 12:40

Watching a lover sleep is a beautiful thing to write about Andy. It's not long since you posted another poem on that subject - you must do a lot of it!

It is lovely to see the Escape theme interpreted in a happy way - where the escape is into happiness and bliss. I've been completely incapable of doing that cos I'm a more miserable bastard.

Like Caducus, I like the 'tip of the slanted ocean line' - it is unusual and works well.

x

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Antony Owen

Fri 27th May 2011 12:00

slanted ocean is a good image. I don't think 'spluttered' curtains works but as you wrote dawn I thought of 'switchblade' curtains as I imagined the light cutting throguh on you both.

This is one of those poems that you feel kind of cool reading, it has an edge and you're getting polished at meter,images,tone and finish.

If you're always editing then its become out the owrk and not you, that's the most important thing I think.

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Jeff Dawson

Fri 27th May 2011 11:16

Hi mate, nice poetry, felt the escapism and almost being hidden from the world for a while. Just couple of typos - should it be 'being struck from the skies', and 'watch the morn wink at me' not mon, unless you had another man in the room! cheers Jeff

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kath hewitt

Fri 27th May 2011 01:43

like this :-)

<Deleted User> (9392)

Fri 27th May 2011 00:51

What a lovely poem. Very touching.

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