Breakfast Roll
wake to a new
tsunami
out of
wholewheat flakes
towers fall
buy bread
a bomb
milk
clears streets
new prince
gets
shops
hitched
open as usual
Comments
wow how powerful from a few words..nicely placed too def had an impact huni xx
I'm afraid, Ray & Anthony, there probably is no 'straightforward' answer as to why the words are placed this way. Something to do possibly with the visual effect (smoke rising from a burning building?) Or perhaps I wanted you to consider each word, to slow down the reading. But if truth be told, I did it because it 'felt right.' In the end, that's the only thing that matters.
Clever to make something so minimal out of something so mind-blowingly vast. But to me it makes it a bit heartless? (Though I'm sure that you are not.)
Thanks for your thoughts Steven. I wondered about Ray's point too, but perhaps in a different way. I would be interested to "hear" how you read it. Any chance of an audio?
Regards,
A.E.
I like the poem, the banal interspersed with the awesome, state of the nation never put a man off his breakfast etc. What I find irritating are the words halfway, quarter way across the page. I've asked people before what they're intending to convey by this and got no straightforward answer, so Steven Waling, enlighten me, how long a pause does halfway across the page indicate?
Thanks for your comments. Initial reason for writing was being commissioned by The North magazine to write a 25 word poem - but obviously, I've been watching the news about Japan over my breakfast cereals, so that, as well as 9/11 and the Manchester bomb which came to mind. The irony, I suppose, of watching all this over breakfast; I don't know if I intended a message as specific as what you gleaned from it, but it fits. I'm sure others will see different things.I'm always rather reluctant to say what my poems are 'about' so I've probably already said too much.
Thanks for reading
Hi Steven,
Good to see you posting. I'm hesitant to offer any comment on this - especially comments that may be seen as subjective.
Four lines that that give it weight are obviously:
tsunami
towers fall
a bomb
and
clears streets
They seem to be interspersed with the banalities of advertising, notes to self, newspaper headlines and public notices. I like what you've done with it visually - possibly breaking waves? I feel you are playing with the juxtaposition of the global and the personal. I couldn't possibly tell you why - but I liked it. No doubt someone will ask for a scientific proof.
Perhaps you wouldn't mind sharing what inspired you to write this, and to write it in the way you chose - and no, I'm not being facetious, just keen to learn and understand. I thought the choice of title was very fitting. What the whole says to me is that despite momentous and shocking events, life goes on - but again, I hesitate to suggest that was the message you intended; if indeed you intended a message.
Regards,
A.E.
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Julian (Admin)
Wed 16th Mar 2011 16:05
An exploded view of a poem, delivered like a mini-plastic construction kit free with the cornflakes. Put it back together ready for tomorrow's breakfast at the rising of the sun.
That's what I make of it.
I wish I had your facility with such stuff Steve. I am looking foward to your workshop at Mankinholes as I missed the last one through cooking lunch.