Ahah!!! 2011 an’ all that! A time for New Year’s Resolutions I hear you cry (BOOO HOOO! Here‘s a hankie!) Well, alright then! (Note to self re 2011 - mustmustmust install an electric cooker.)

 

 

Aries

On the horns of a dilemma you may be

So many outcomes in the stars I see

But my turban’s slipped right o’er my face

And your future’s looking all over the place!

But when you win the lottery think of me!!

 

 

Taurus

You’ll pound your hooves now

Down the gym

A tryin’ so hard at getting’ thin.

Just drink another Bailey’s taster

And find yourself a chubby chaser!

 

 

Gemini

Well hi my man

You’re lookin’ good

Didn’t have too much Christmas pud. . .

But now I see you from behind

I think I must be goin’ blind.

 

 

Cancer

Your old pal Saturn’s moving off

He’s retrograde in Libra.

A new love might be beckoning

But beware - s/he’s a fibra!

 

 

Leo

Your sun-seeking nature comes to life

When Jupiter moves in.

Pity there’s six feet of snow on the ground

Cos your love life’s looking thin.

(But don’t worry - next month it’ll be Grrrrrrrreat!)

 

 

Virgo

Your new year’s resolution

Is to find true love

Best get to those January sales

Get a squeeze with the push and shove

(well, it always works for me!)

 

 

Libra

He’s in your Relationship Sector

And he’s banging tambourines

It must be that Phil Spector

Wearing his sparkly jeans.

 

 

Scorpio

Mars is up to mischief

But he’s really on your side

The muse will come upon you

In your poems you’ll take pride!

(Hmmm . . Must be my sign!)

 

 

Sagittarius

On the 22^nd it all starts to kick off

So go out on a spending spree

Then tell the bailiffs to eff off!

But don’t come round complaining to me!

 

 

Capricorn

A lunar eclipse gives you lots of tips

While Mercury says plan ahead

Sadly, trouble with Uranus

May mean a spell in bed!

 

 

Aquarius

Mars is motivational

So hang on to your hat!

A brand new life is beckoning

(Don’t forget to warn the cat!)

 

 

Pisces

Jupiter leaves your house this month

So now there’s time for reflection

You thought you were a poet, baby

But you were headed in the wrong direction!

(But there’s a very good plumbing course starting on the 11^th at the local university I believe - or how about a degree in nail extensions? And I’m not kiddin’)