Heartbreaker

I saw her heart break yesterday

the watchful face of late

eyes upturned

smile that had only known sunshine

and said in words

careful and rounded

the news that he would not be coming home

and saw

the instant

stop-release claymation

trembling of the tiny chin

the mouth turned square and agonised

in an eternal instant of distress

I heard the click

audible just to me,

(our hearts being one),

of valves shutting on the final piece of innocence

corpuscles turning sour as news flooded the brain.

Before the hour long scream for daddy.

 

 

 

 

Not sure if some of the phrases were subconsciously lifted from another poem..sorry, a very very dashed out one...because I HAD to.

break upChildrenrelationships

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Comments

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winston plowes

Mon 25th Oct 2010 21:50

Rachel, this is amazing, raw and true. Started reading and found it rather 'unpoetic'? without a flow but then it had me and when it kicked in athe end... well ! stunned. Win x

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Noetic-fret!

Sat 23rd Oct 2010 19:33

Rachel, had me crying. Brutally honest. Needs publishing.

rgds

Mike

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Cate Greenlees

Sat 23rd Oct 2010 10:42

A heartwrenchingly beautiful piece of writing Rachel.The first line brought tears to my eyes with its sad simplicity. Dealing with our children`s grief is so difficult on top of what we ourselves are dealing with when a serious relationship finishes, and as you vividly put it our connection to them is so powerful in its need to protect them from all hurt and harm.
I can totally empathise with what you and your children are going through. Cate xx

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Francine

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 17:24

Very moving, Rachel.
Love and kisses...................

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 12:09

Wonderful poem Rachel, and all my love to you and the kids too. We all love you on here I'm sure! xxxx

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 10:52

Rachel, the touch of a master here, spontaneous or not, or maybe more so because of. Your words wring readers inside-out. Poets speak for us all, sometimes like the voice of God 'in mysterious ways'. Or whatever your idea of Wisdom/Truth is. I think that 'brutality' comes in all guises, determined to wipe us out. I also think that 'happiness' always has to build up again in very small, captured doses. Let no pleasing thing pass your notice no matter how inconsequential it may seem. Tiny, aware moments build strong bridges back to self-esteem.

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Rachel McGladdery

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 09:24

Thanks everyone for the comments. I did tag this relationship break up or at least tried to. I have not suffered a bereavement in the usual sense, it's a break up, I'm so deeply sorry if anyone thought that was the case.
Rcahel
x

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 09:17

Agree with Isobel. Writing it out helps, doesn't it? Been there, done that, it can be lived through, and children ARE remarkably resilient. This broke my heart - I don't know you, but send strength and good energy to you anyway. Take care x

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Dave Bradley

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 08:24

This is an excellent poem Rachel, but (bearing in mind your previous one), more importantly it seems you may be living through it. If so, there will be a lot of people here pulling for you and your family and hoping you get through to calmer water.

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Andy N

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 08:06

not going to quiz you over the content, rachel as it sounds one of those pieces which you would have been driven to write it without even perhaps realising it..

i do like the full piece, but my favourite segment is:

I heard the click

audible just to me,

(our hearts being one),

of valves shutting on the final piece of innocence

'corpuscles turning sour as news flooded the brain.'

top stuff... x

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Rachel McGladdery

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 07:42

Thanks Isobel. That means a lot to me xxx

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Isobel

Fri 22nd Oct 2010 07:32

You got the right title for it Rachel. This is about as heartbreaking as you can get.
I won't labour over the linguistics of it. It is a brilliant poem as all your stuff is.
If any of this comes from personal experience, all I can say to comfort is that children are amazingly resilient. Not long after I announced the big split, mine were weedling away for a hamster - they'd never been allowed pets before...
There is no replacing the main carer in a home - be that mother or father - I guess we can only speak from our own experience though - a lot would depend on the quality of relationship held with secondary carer. What I'm trying to say is that with the stability and love that a main carer gives, children do come through it.

I'm pushing as much positive energy and love as I possibly can your way.Isobel xx

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