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Will they be glad when I am gone

when my bare feet float above the tile

will there be regret will there be none

will any stop to think a while

The street will stir the cars will pass

the news will come and go

the mail won't stop nor will the grass

that's how things go I know

My goodbye thoughts I will not write

there'd be no point in it

my message however so contrite

would only ever awkward sit

maybe this is how it goes

toward the end your mind runs dry

dreams drip from your dangling toes

your eyes roll up toward the sky



◄ Mutter

Voyage ►


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David RL Moore

Thu 18th Apr 2024 10:25

Thanks John,

I sent you a private message, I'm fine with your comments and grateful for them.


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John Coopey

Thu 18th Apr 2024 08:25

I didn’t see it as a weakness, David. I thought it was an excellent case of the sense and the delivery being completely at one. (There is probably a literary term for it).

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David RL Moore

Wed 17th Apr 2024 19:10

Thank you for the like Manish.


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David RL Moore

Wed 17th Apr 2024 15:06

Thank you Penguin and John,

that "Awkward" line stutters somewhat Penguin but can be manipulated after a few readings, it was supposed to present a literal obstacle... (as you suggest) maybe to symbolise the hesitations experienced in living such a moment. Thanks for the steer on my error, much appreciated.

John, you are spot on with the "Bucket" goes on. It's hopeful to believe that even the darkest of souls is missed by someone. When it comes to grief and mourning I often feel the mourning is for the people we might have been that we never became as much as it is for our lived lives.

Unfortunately I live in a property that doesn't even have a supporting beam that could effect my occasional desire. My demise would not be a private affair, little dignity in that thought eh?

Thank you for your reading and valued comments.


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John Coopey

Wed 17th Apr 2024 14:11

It’s the hand pulled from a bucket of water thing, David. I particularly like the line
“Would only ever awkward sit”.

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Wed 17th Apr 2024 09:14

Good poem, the last line is very powerful.
my message however so contrite
would only ever awkward sit

I like how those lines do read awkwardly, hope you meant it!

maybe this is how goes - you're missing an "it"

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