This Roald Dahl thing I’m talking about.

It seems the Fascist Society of Woke Revisionists is concerned at the effect some of his language might have on the delicate sensibilities of our children.

And whilst I am delighted that through its good endeavours I shall no longer be considered “fat” but rather that I have achieved “positive secondary weight gain” and that no longer shall I have to suffer being called “an ugly cunt” but rather my friends will describe me as “a facially resculptured cunt”, I am perplexed by the nice-ifying of other words.

“Black”, for example.  How might we otherwise describe something that is, well, black?  And acknowledging that it has connotations of race, correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t “black” the preferred designation of black people?  I suppose some woke nutters (see footnote) might argue that the correct term ought to be “person of colour”.  But isn’t that everybody?  I would look forward to the next England rugby team’s tour of New Zealand when the All Persons-of-Colour play another team of Persons-of-Colour.

But we should go further with our historical revisionism.

I particularly fear for our little ones quaking in their beds in terror from bedtime nursery rhymes leaving them with the image of “here comes the candle to light you to bed, here comes the chopper to chop off your head”.

It really does make you wonder how we survived.

Perhaps I am wrong and that the ills of our world can be laid at our feet because of the inappropriate, outdated language that we used.  Then let us look forward in 50 years time to a world in which there is no hunger, obesity, racism, violence and war, founded as it would be on the literary revisionism of our woke guardians.

Footnote: Substitute a suitable, alternative, socially acceptable euphemism of your choice.