Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Armadillo... Draught British Sherry

Armadillo…… Draught British Sherry

 

It pissed it down that bitter cold night

Rain bounced off the roofs with a din

Dad looked out the window forlornly….. and said

I think I’d best have a night in

 

It was rare for mi dad… not to go out

And he made our lives hell.. when he din’t

But it wasn’t the weather…. that made him stop in

It was more to the fact…… he was skint

 

A new phenomenon had hit the shops

To make the hoi polloi merry

Cheap as chips….  With vinegar

Armadillo…….. Draught British Sherry

 

Armadillo was only ten bob for a pint

The prices were more than respectable

There was only one little drawback though

You had to take your own receptacle

 

So mi Dad thought he’d give it a bash

Cos he’d seen the advert on the telly

But, he din’t have a bottle to put it in

So he dug out an old size ten welly

 

Reyt…. He said….. examining the boot

I think this’ll do the job

All I need now is some money

…. Can anyone lend me ten bob?

 

NO.. said mi Mam… hiding her purse

I’m brassic lint… she said

I’ve spent all mi money on luxuries

Like milk, and, butter and bread

 

So then mi Dad turned out his pockets

To see how much money he had

Seven and six…..in shrapnel

I haven’t enough……  said mi Dad

 

Reyt then kids, turn out your pockets

….He said….. as he patted us down

I need another two and six

Who’ll lend me half a crown

 

But we were all brassic anorl

Or at least that’s what we told our Dad

As we jostled to find a hiding place

And we squirrelled what little we had

 

You don’t rob Peter to pay Paul

Nor rob Paul to pay Peter

When times are hard, and cash is scarce

You rob the ‘leccy meter

 

Mi Dad had a clever method for this

He smeared a knife with some honey

Then he poked the knife in through the slot in the box

To stick and grab loose money

 

Eureka… I’ve cracked it… he shouted

As he pulled silver coins through the slot

Then he piled up his stash of small change

And he counted what little he’d got

 

As fate would have it, he’d reached his target

Ten bob…. in silver and copper

But he was too proud to go shopping with shrapnel

Someone else would have to be t’shopper

 

 

It was still siling down… like stair rods outside

Enough to lift-up man-hole lids

Dad said…… “I wouldn’t even send a dog out in this”

“I’ll haveta’ send one of the kids”

 

So we scuttled about in a bid to look busy

Our Trevor was planning some crime

As he finessed his plot… for world domination

And he was only six at the time

 

Our Nelly was taking her Black Belt

In Grimstone Low’s main martial art

So she needed to practice head-butting, and biting

And ripping opponents apart

 

In a bid to look busy… I picked up a book

And pretended to do my homework

But mi Dad saw right through me.. and called me out…. Saying

 “yur book’s upside-down, yu daft berk”

 

So… armed with a welly, and a handful of shrapnel

And my duffel coat hood pulled in tight

I braced missen against the weather

And set off into that foul night

 

Now…. If you were to buy Armadillo

To have a night in… cos you’re skint

I bet that you’d check your welly for leaks

That’s one of the things mi dad din’t

 

◄ A Hard Frost

The Rocky Horror Picture Show ►

Comments

Paul Holloway

Sun 24th Mar 2024 01:51

Wonderful. I remember Armadillo Sherry, and taking a bottle to the village supermarket to get it filled up. Rough stuff, but strong, and cheap, as your ode points out.

Profile image

R A Porter

Mon 22nd Jan 2024 22:11

Just discovered this - pure class in a glass!! 🥃

Profile image

kJ Walker

Mon 10th Apr 2023 22:33

Thank you John.
I'd love to get a book published, but wouldn't have a clue how to carry on.
Glad you enjoyed this little "true" story.

Profile image

John Botterill

Mon 10th Apr 2023 13:12

Aweso/e, KJ. Another classic. Get your narrative poetry book published. It would be a best seller! 💪

Profile image

kJ Walker

Tue 21st Feb 2023 17:23

Thanks Uilleam, I never thought about "fill year boots", I may have to rewrite the ending, as the current one seems a bit lame.

I always find the etymology of words interesting, and so many of our phrases have a naval origin.

Profile image

Uilleam Ó Ceallaigh

Tue 21st Feb 2023 11:37

A well told story kJ. Love it, #
About the expression: fill yer boots lads!

Hope you don't mind my posting this-it may be doubtful:

https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/7139/what-is-the-etymology-and-meaning-of-fill-your-boots
At the HMS Victory museum in Portsmouth UK, you can buy a thick leather cup lined with pitch. This is a replica of the sailor's mug used on board in Nelson's time, and it was used (among other things) for the rum ration when issued. This cup is called a "boot", and when things were good and you got an extra rum ration, sailors were told "Fill Yer Boots"!




Profile image

Stephen Gospage

Tue 21st Feb 2023 08:45

Thanks, KJ. I checked it out. An absolute gem and very seventies. Yes, it does sound like Kenny.

Profile image

kJ Walker

Tue 21st Feb 2023 08:22

Thanks John, Keith and Stephen.
Bazaar as it may sound this is just about a true story.
The advert had a song loosely copying Tony Christie's " is this the way to Amarillo". And the voiceover sounded a bit like Kenny Everett. There is a clip of it on YouTube but I'm not savvy enough to copy it into here

Profile image

Stephen Gospage

Tue 21st Feb 2023 07:46

Another masterpiece, KJ. Loved it. That wasn't the one Orson Welles used to advertise, was it? Him or Arthur Mullard.

Profile image

keith jeffries

Mon 20th Feb 2023 19:17

I'll drink a schooner of medium dry to this. Another brilliant poem Kev. Thanks indeed.
Keith

Profile image

John Coopey

Mon 20th Feb 2023 14:28

Classic, Kevin.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message