I got out of bed every Sunday morning,

Old as I was; ate a full English breakfast,

Followed by porridge, I was ready for storming

those bastards on the Parish church doorsteps,

The Quakers, Wee Frees, the Muslims n' Jews,

Non-Conformists, Joves Witnesses united as one.

All preaching and pleading;

"don't sit in those pews",

You really don't want to be sitting in here,

Go away, don't cause trouble, don't argue,

Just go to the pub".

So I did most obediently what I was told.

Now the churches are empty and cold.