INVISIBLE

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I never used to think about mortality much, not mine at any rate.  I had the whole of my life in front of me.  I’ve still got the whole of my life in front of me but, perversely, there’s three quarters of it behind me.

It isn’t that I hide from the Grim Reaper’s scythe every day; it’s that bodily functions I used to take for granted start to mock me.  And I’m not talking about the expected ones – thin and greying hair, ballooning waistline etc but other equally unwelcome but unanticipated changes.

Toenails, for instance, have become hard enough to repel an assassin’s bullet.  Ankles and knees unaccountably swell and recede, swell and recede.  My gazinta, which I asked at one time to fulfil only two functions, now struggles with both, despite, that is, the increased demands put on it by my bladder.  I’m starting to sprout pre-cancerous sunspots and require the attentions of a dermatologist.  How long before I need a chiropodist and an undertaker?

When my daughter saw us one morning arranging our tablets at the breakfast table, she said “Blimey!  You’re like proper old people!”

Most alarmingly, I have become invisible.

◄ THE LINE AND SQUARE

GREGGS VOUCHERS ►

Comments

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Stephen Gospage

Tue 15th Nov 2022 16:37

I'll go on snapping my whip for a few more months.....

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 15th Nov 2022 14:48

You young sprogs bickering make me smile! 😊

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John Coopey

Tue 15th Nov 2022 08:05

You’re just a whipper-snapper, Stephen. I had my 70th 6 months ago. And thanks for the Like, Stephen A.

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Stephen Gospage

Mon 14th Nov 2022 21:25

Wonderful picture, John. Looks like a senior civil servant trying to fight off Dominic Raab (and failing miserably). Still denying my upcoming 70th birthday (6 months to go).

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John Coopey

Mon 14th Nov 2022 16:20

It’s hard to see the Arse maintaining the consistency of Man City for the rest of the season, Graham. But equally, it’s hard to see us maintaining consistency for two games.
Billy S, Uilleam, never used a word when a dozen would do.
MC - I don’t do stress.
And thanks for the Like, Frederick and Helene.

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M.C. Newberry

Mon 14th Nov 2022 15:46

JC - May the advice you receive continue to stand you in good
stead. I dealt with docs on a regular basis when I was the
custody officer at a frantically busy central London police station.
It was a salutary experience in many ways but it also taught me
to be ready to challenge "received wisdom", not least when they
would regale me with their own experiences. Be aware is a
close approximation to "Beware" and self-awareness comes
into the equation as a useful result. But above all - AVOID STRESS - the biggest "silent killer" that can materialise in all
medical assessments. Bon chance, mon ami!

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Uilleam Ó Ceallaigh

Mon 14th Nov 2022 10:32

Or as Biily de la Shakin' Spear said:

"Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything."

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Graham Sherwood

Mon 14th Nov 2022 10:06

Made worse by the Arse topping the shop at the minute no doubt! I'm glad I switched to netball.

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John Coopey

Mon 14th Nov 2022 09:55

Coeur de lion, Graham. Although it’s been bumping a bit from conceding first every bloody game!

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Graham Sherwood

Mon 14th Nov 2022 08:13

Diuretics don’t help a good night’s sleep but do keep the kidneys in shape if you have any form of cardiac issues.

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John Coopey

Mon 14th Nov 2022 07:38

I’m sure you’re right about diet and liquid input, MC. I rarely drink anything after 6pm and it makes for a less interrupted night’s sleep. But,equally, I have the good sense to take the advice of medical professionals who have studied and practised their trade for several years.

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M.C. Newberry

Sun 13th Nov 2022 21:59

Take heart - and keep the latter young! The drawback with
toe nails is that with age the arms never seem long enough
to reach them - even with those designer scissors that are
advertised in the endless health product brochures that start
appearing as if there is a crystal ball in common ownership by
those same concerns. Urology is an "ology" that takes a
concentrated form in GPs' mindsets with regard to older male patients and needs a detached assessment involving a sensibly researched diet and liquid input. I'm not sure that modern docs
have the same interest in a patient's own view of his/her
condition as they have of what they expect to meet, combined
with what their computers tell them - the version of "face to
face" medical treatment for today's brave new world! 😐.

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