Derek’s in the queue

With a bag of whisky miniatures

He’ll need something warm

To get him through the night

He didn’t think his hip flask

Would make it through security

So long as he’s not too pissed

He should be alright

 

Derek’s in the queue

With a plastic union jack

But flags are not allowed

So he’ll drop it in the street

A patriotic queue

Should have flags, Derek reckons

A patriotic queue

Should stay on its feet

 

Derek’s in the queue

And there’s too many tourists

They’re the only reason

There’s a sixteen hour wait

It’s an Englishman’s duty

Not a visitor attraction

To be paying your respects

At a lying in state

 

Derek’s in the queue

And they’ve given him a wristband

I’m not a bloody number

He muttered to the scout

But it’ll come in handy later

When his bladder starts to fail him

They’ve laid on extra toilets

For his big day out

 

Derek’s in the queue

He’s being part of history

It’s a big occasion

But he doesn’t understand

Why the folk all around him

Are making new queue buddies

Talking to other people

Wasn’t something that he’d planned

 

Derek’s in the queue

She’s been the Queen all his life

But he’s not a fan of Big Ears

Or Big Ears’s wife

Or Sweaty Andy for that matter

Or failed soldier Eddie

But he reckons that Harry

Might be alright

 

Derek’s in the queue

And he’s getting cold and tired

But no one likes to say

They might’ve made a big mistake

In the morning he’ll be done

And on a train back to Clacton

With a story for his grandkids

And his good-for-nothing mates