ginko

more wistful now than poignant
while whistling with the wind
dancing dapples of recollection and forgetfulness
serve only to stir whirling notions
blowing willowy wisps of patinaed pirouettes
intertwining and reverberating shimmer 
that no regret has any hope of obligating

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N. B. here are two versions, the first and the redacted immediately following. Which do you like better? 
Please remember to indicate which version you prefer on the comment box. Thank you most kindly. Frederick.
- - -



more wistful now than poignant
while with the wind whistles
dappled dances of recollection and forgetfulness
serve only to stir a whirl of notions
willowy wisps blow of patinaed pirouettes
intertwine and reverberate and shimmer 
that no regret has any hope of obligation

 

 

galateuscrypticbardexcalibardarquiousarqioskesnerpoetpoem

◄ captain, my captain

Atacama symphonic ►

Comments

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Frederick Kesner

Fri 27th May 2022 03:57

Thank you kindly for your honest responses (Rudyard K., Stephen Gospage, and Nigel Astell). I too prefer version 1 and wrote version 2 at the suggestion of some well-meaning critics. Sighs.

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Nigel Astell

Fri 27th May 2022 00:29

Number one flows much better for me Frederick.

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Stephen Gospage

Thu 26th May 2022 17:05

Like Rudyard, I prefer the first.

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Rudyard Kooistra

Thu 26th May 2022 11:18

No 1 wins for me, it reads better at least for me.

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