The Queens Garden Party ( Granny Slugshaw)

The Queen’s garden party (Granny Slugshaw)


It was the garden party, at Buckingham Palace

The one the Queen doesn’t enjoy

Where she meets and greets the common folk

To mix with the hoi palloi


And Granny slugshaw had wangled an invite

For the prison reform work she’d done

Cos she’d taken a prisoner into her home

Albeit…. her very own son


So she togged hersen out for’t occasion

Wi’ new shoes, and a smart dress

And an ‘andbag she’d nicked from Marks and Sparks

She wanted to dress to impress


She’d bought a fascinator

Which is only a hat… when all’s said

Except for it doesn’t quite fit right

So needs to be stuck to your head


She was all excited, at meeting the queen

Like a deb… presented at court

She put her left foot in front of her right

Then curtsied just like she’d been taught


And therein laid the problem

She shouldn’t have eaten them beans

It caused a massive kerfuffle…. When

She farted in front of the queen


It caused a massive kerfuffle

Can you imagine the scene

Granny... in her Sunday best

Had farted in front of the Queen


So she slunk off, crestfallen and riddled wi’ shame

The butt of everyone’s joke

And she scarpered into the masses

To be with the everyday folk


Then Charles and his missis came out of the palace

To do their meet and greet

To mingle with the masses

And give the plebs a treat


Then Granny got to meet Camilla

And that caused a proper to-do

Cos that’s when she surpassed hersen

…. She farted and followed through


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Alien Abduction ►


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kJ Walker

Sat 14th May 2022 11:06

Thanks John, Stephen and Keith.
Really glad you enjoyed this piece.
I'm glad I wasn't In the NAFFI with Keith's mate, but I can picture the scene.

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keith jeffries

Wed 11th May 2022 22:42

Kevin you never fail your fans and this poem is no exception. I enjoy your writing because the reader is not only taken into the scene but even allowed to experience the emotions involved. The last stanza reminds me of a time many years ago when a soldier and sitting in the NAAFI with a mate. We were both three sheets to the wind when he exclaimed, "hey mate, do farts have lumps in them". He had also followed through.
Thanks again for a superb poem rich as always in humour

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Stephen Atkinson

Mon 2nd May 2022 13:23

Poor Granny Slugshaw. New bloomers required. 🤣. Nice one K.J.

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John Botterill

Mon 2nd May 2022 08:56

Great fun KJ. I can just picture the scene! 😂

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kJ Walker

Mon 2nd May 2022 08:03

Thank you John, Ray and Stephen.
Yes John I hope to get to the next Well Spoken, and will be doing this one.
Liked the Spoonerism Ray (I might nick that one)
Indeed it was a good job that they were outdoors Stephen.

Cheers Kevin

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Stephen Gospage

Sun 1st May 2022 18:48

Good job they are in the open air, Kevin. Great fun.

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Sun 1st May 2022 17:19

Delightful and full of irreverent fun Kevin, not for the haint farted.


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John Coopey

Sun 1st May 2022 12:33

Another gem, Kevin. I look forward to this next Well Spoken.

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