A re-vamp of a George Formby classic tailored for Goole Open Mic next month.

 

Now I know I’m not handsome nor ever used to be

But the girls I like at Open Mic would not look twice at me

Now I see other fellas that’s as ugly as a frog

Holding hands with ladies in the hope they’ll get a snog

But if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me?

What can the attraction be?

Perhaps the ladies here might enlighten me

With me it seems they’ll have no truck

The only kind of luck I get is rotten luck

Cos if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me?  Hey, hey,

Why don’t women like me?

 

Take that ugly sod called Keith

Why they’d fancy him just beggars belief

Then there’s that old git called Mack

Gets them by the dozen in his old love shack

But if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me?

 

They might be in their 80’s, still

But seem to pull the birds all right do Rog and Phil

Cos if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me?  Hey, hey,

Why don’t women like me?

 

I read them out a poem or I sing some cheeky songs

But what I’m after always stays secure inside their thongs;

I comb my hair and brush my teeth and always dress so sharp

But never make impression on Naomi with her harp

But if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me?

I try my best to make a show

But I never get encouragement from my friend Jo

Cos if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me?  Hey, hey,

Why don’t women like me?

 

Now I know I’m not handsome nor ever used to be

And as a rule when I’m in Goole the girls just ignore me

But I see ugly fellas here the women seem to woo

But why that so, well don’t ask me I haven’t got a clue

Cos if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me?

The ladies are so beautiful

The blokes all look like Shrek and yet still they pull

I might be short of a few quid

But in my trousers what I’ve got I keep well hid

Cos if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me?  Hey, hey,

Why don’t women like me?