Mi Mam's Take On Contraception

Mi Mam’s Take On Contraception



I was the second of seven kids

(All planned… or so I was told)

Mi Dad was an idle sod, and never worked

All his dole money went on himsen

Mi Mam did her best

But I must admit, we were a raggy-arsed crew


Wherever we went, we went en-masse

Usually with mi Mam leading from the front

And us kids following


Picture a mother duck, leading out her brood


Strangers used to stop her, and ask

“Are they all yorn?”

It filled her with pride

“Yes“ she’d say


Quite unprompted, she’d recite our names

“Steven, kevin, Michael, Andrew, Marrianne, Angela, and Trevor”


Sometimes people would stop her

And they weren’t so kind with their comments


Because mi Dad was on the dole

And because they paid their taxes

They thought they were entitled to have a pop at mi Mam


I remember one in particular


“How come you’ve got so many kids?” he asked

“You know the facts of life…. you work it out” sez mi Mam

“Aye I do know the facts of life” he said

“But you’ll not find ME havin’ so many kids… I use mi Head”

“Oh” sez mi Mam

“Don’t yur Fuckin’ ears get stuck”


I must admit, she was on form that day



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The HARUSPEX (Granny Slugshaw) ►


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John Coopey

Sun 7th Nov 2021 09:40

I missed this one, Kev. another cracker.

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kJ Walker

Sun 7th Nov 2021 08:24

Thank you Jennifer.
Mi Mam wasn't usually so clever with her replies, so this one stuck in my mind.

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jennifer Malden

Sun 31st Oct 2021 09:36

Wonderful grass roots humour! Still chuckling!


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kJ Walker

Wed 20th Oct 2021 08:12

Thanks Leon.
It's sad but true that people do think like that.
My mum was often stopped, and given a lecture by "tax payers"who thought that they had some kind of right over us.

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Leon Kamm

Mon 18th Oct 2021 23:09

There's always some miserable sod ready to suggest that parents should only have the children they can afford! Haven't they heard of socialism and the welfare state?!

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kJ Walker

Mon 18th Oct 2021 22:27

Thank you Keith and Stephen.
This is actually a true one.

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Stephen Gospage

Mon 18th Oct 2021 20:51

Very funny one!

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keith jeffries

Mon 18th Oct 2021 15:17

Unvarnished humour at its best.
Thank you for another gem


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