A much needed Dylan Thomas/DIY/Shakespeare fusion poem and celebrating a little mishap which befell me at my daughter's house.

 

I should go gentle into that stud wall

For fear of piercing cable or a pipe

Else certes much skunk shite may me befall.

 

A wiser man might prod with a bradawl

At DIY, though, I am dud arsewipe

If only I’d drilled gentle through that wall.

 

Forsooth me found a swiving waterfall

Which made me utter bons mots such as “Cripes!”

As skunk shite upon skunk shite did befall.

 

It came to pass I made a hasty call

To plumbers of a cocky archetype

Who said I should drill gentle through stud walls.

 

And so the fucking pompous know-it-all

Then tret me as one would a guttersnipe

As monetary skunk shite did befall.

 

Though he’s no better than Neanderthal

His bank balance will now be plump and ripe;

I shall go gentle into my stud wall

In future else more skunk shite should befall.