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By the shores of Lake Lambrini,

Near the foothills of Panini,

And the plains of Fegatini,

Through the valleys in betweeni,

Where the flowing Canneloni,

Meets the wandering Marscapone.


In amongst the Machiato,

Near the fading Tinto Rosso,

‘Neath the shading of Lambrusco,

South of Castle Osso Buccho.


Here a local pasta maker,

Bought out by a corporate baker;

Reputation keeps it going,

Striving but the tide is flowing.


Now they have a brand new master.

In his office, white walled plaster,

Lined with busts of alabaster;

Wants to make the pasta faster.


On the floor they were aghast-a,

“We have always made our pasta

To our recipes down passed-a

But we cannot work too fast-a!”


“Things are changing,” said the master,

From his room of white walled plaster.

“We must make the pasta faster,

So our rivals are outclassed-a”


So the master strolling past-a

Turned the speeds to very fast-a;

Higher throughput, faster pasta.

More cash in the bank amassed-a.


“Faster faster!” screamed the master

From his room of white walled plaster.

“Got to make the pasta faster,

Jump to it you idle basta's!”


As the workers felt his blast-a,

They knew that it could not last-a;

Cogs were whirring far too fast-a,

Flying belts went whizzing past-a.


Soon the place was filled with pasta;

In the office of the master;

Even on the white walled plaster

And the busts of alabaster.


Now that frantic stage has passed-a,

Packed his bags and gone the master.

Now they can return at last-a,

Once more making finest pasta.

By the shores of Lake Lambrini,

Near the foothills of Panini.


◄ Limerick

The Oyster and The Whelk ►


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Ann Foxglove

Fri 24th Sep 2010 04:55

Well we're not going to believe you NOW are we? ;-)

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John Coopey

Thu 23rd Sep 2010 23:33

I'm going to tell everyone that I wrote this!

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Dave Carr

Mon 12th Jul 2010 06:55

Tweaked it for now - in an inglorious Tarantino kind of way.
That's how it appears on the monologues site. Will think about that line. Thanks for all comments everyone.

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Sun 11th Jul 2010 18:48

Fabulously playful! Love it.

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Graham Sherwood

Sun 11th Jul 2010 11:23

The first two verses are so clever it hurts to read them. An Italian "Hiawatha" theme. I think it could have worked better by not limiting yourself to so few suffixes though. Brave stuff!

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Sun 11th Jul 2010 09:59

I wasn't really complaining about the word bastard. In some ways it is a good choice. The rhyming scheme is so tight that you really aren't expecting it and it makes it funny. I was being a bit ironic in my earlier comment.

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Bernadette Herbertson

Sat 10th Jul 2010 21:19

love this it is so amusing.I'm not keen on the use of the word bastards on this occassion and have been looking through the dictionary to find another word and it has been quite difficult but have come up with 'lagsters' as lag pertains to slowness but not sure if lagsters relates?...Bernadette

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Ray Miller

Sat 10th Jul 2010 12:09

Loved it, Dave, wonderful. As others have pointed out "bastards" is a bit of a stumble. How about "Got to make the pasta faster so the profits will be vaster"?

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Sat 10th Jul 2010 11:35

This was really great, I love the humour of the piece, the fast pace and all the rhymes. It's very well put together. The line with bastards also threw me, as did this line: To our recipes down passed-a. But those are tiny complaints and it really is fantastic!

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Sat 10th Jul 2010 09:45

I think you are a pasta master at this type of poetry, Dave! I'm disappointed that you didn't chuck some of your own special Italian in though...
I think 'bastard' may also have thrown your rhyming scheme at one point - I won't hold it against you though!
This went down brilliantly at the Tudor - a great performance piece.

<Deleted User> (8043)

Sat 10th Jul 2010 08:21

Really enjoyed this! The line

' Cogs were whirring far too fast-a,
Flying belts went whizzing past-a.'

is easily the best of the whole place! Very amusing.

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Ann Foxglove

Sat 10th Jul 2010 06:26

You've made me feel very hungry! And it's good wheeze to end every line by adding an "a". That'll make it rhyme!! ;-) (Only kiddin') Really enjoyed it Dave, thanks! x

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