it is rare that women let me down

I have mastered the art of romance

the secret is to abandon them first

that way they don't get the chance

 

there were exceptions to this rule

Julie left me for a curious old fart

but she demanded a father-figure

she was immature from the start

 

Ann ran off with my hand- warmer

she'd always been cold in the sack

she's shacked up with a girl-friend

that was no surprise looking back

 

after she went Lucy slandered me

told her friends that I was a miser

true I keep a tight rein on my cash

from my wallet I had to prise her

 

Jackie did a midnight flit in a taxi

a tactic that caught me quite cold

heard she had a list of complaints

she wouldn't do as she was told

 

I never heard any more from Bessie

got home and she'd just cleared out

I have no idea if she's alive or dead

she will still be moaning, no doubt

 

so, there were mishaps along the way

a few minnows escaped my courtly net

trouble is, women can't be trusted, but

Belle, my Staffy, never betrayed me yet