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(History Made Simple.  A masterpiece of mine included in the anthology "Still Life with Wine and Cheese", celebrating all that's best about France.  A slim volume!)


There stood mud ‘n’ puddles where once there’d stood flowers

It bucketed stair rods for ‘ours ‘n’ ‘ours

It tested us patience; it tested us powers

To trudge to the port-a-loo

At the Battle o’ Waterloo.


We’d dug in behind a big ‘ill in a trench

Freezin’ ‘n’ moanin’, un’appy ‘n’ drenched;

Our ‘istorical enemy faced us – the French!

Just like at that Agincourt

It ended a similar score!


Their battlefield leader were sat on ‘is pony

Surrounded by gen’rals ‘n’ similar cronies

I’m talking none other than Emperor Boney

Wearin’ ‘is bicorn bonnet

‘N’ feelin’ about for ‘is wallet.


Now Owd Arthur Wellesley commanded our men

He’d led us to victory again ‘n’ again

The rain wa’ no bother; ‘e joked now ‘n’ then,

“Me?  I don’t give two hoots.

I’m wearin’ mi Wellington boots.”


Now, Emperor Boney wa’ known to be good

‘E’d won many battles ‘n’ spilt English blood

But ‘e showed ‘issen an owd stick-in-the-mud

The dour dullard wa’ dozey,

An’ outmanoeuvred by Nosey.


To break from the deadlock ‘e played ‘is last card

Boney threw in ‘is Imperial Guard

Wellington said wi’ complete disregard

“Fetch me the puddin’ trollies.

And gi’e ‘em a couple o’ volleys”.


The Imperial Guard recognised it wa’ beat

For the first time ever they beat their retreat

They’d seen what us Englishmen eat for a sweet

Said Pierre “Vous prenez your pick!

Mais moi?  C’n’est pas Spotted Dick!”


So Wellington took all the great accolades

(Some Germans fought wi’ us that day, I’m afraid)

The mud was decisive like thick marmalade

Just like at Glastonbury too

At the Battle o’ Waterloo.




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John Coopey

Tue 7th Jul 2020 08:13

Glad to fill in the gap, Kev. Our Gert did do history at skul but nodded off when the Romans invaded Britain and didn’t wake up till the Second World War.

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kJ Walker

Mon 6th Jul 2020 19:25

Thanks for the history lesson. Those of us who didn't attend school need snippets of information like this as our education.

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John Coopey

Mon 6th Jul 2020 18:35

Thanks, MC.

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M.C. Newberry

Mon 6th Jul 2020 17:15

Somehow, I missed this before today (6/7) - but it was a reet treat
to campaign with you against those sprouts near Brussels.

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John Coopey

Mon 6th Jul 2020 16:47

Many thanks, Po and Shifa.

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Shifa Maqba

Mon 6th Jul 2020 12:40

A treat for all those enamoured by history. Thank you for sharing this poem!

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Paul Sayer

Mon 6th Jul 2020 11:42

The great spotted RICHARD.

As that great Swedish bear said

Abba dabba Do!

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John Coopey

Mon 6th Jul 2020 09:47

Thanks for the Like, Anmolpreet.

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