I remember playing in a hayloft 
with older boys, daring to jump like they did.  
I tunneled alone through hay and darkness, 
to find light at the other end. 

As my memory goes back to those carefree times, 
I wonder if I tried to impress older boys 
as if they were my father.
Was I trying to outdo my brothers?
Was there a sexual element 
in body sensations in free fall in hay?  
Was burrowing into a potential space 
to go in and out of a snug tunnel 
a metaphor for exploring a female tunnel, 
perhaps incestuous?

Sometimes adults think too much 
and spoil the fun of the memory.

            May 22, 2013