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Was out in bush the other day

Driving with me mate

When great big urge came over him

Which just would not abate


He took off into sand dunes

To dig himself a hole

We had no toilet paper

(Forgot to bring a roll)


I said whatever did you use

To clean yourself with mate?

Sand, he said. How did it work?

Grate, grate, grate


Don Matthews March 2020

◄ Also Spake Samuel

Flutter Flutter ►


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Thu 19th Mar 2020 22:47

Sitting on the dunny
trying to do my bit
then when its over
with just the paperwork to do
I tear a sheet off VR roll
I need another bit
I could just turn it over
using both sides now
Flush it down the crapper
this poem is so high-brow


If wit was shit Don
I would be so constipated

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Don Matthews

Thu 19th Mar 2020 22:34

Tell you what I'll do Po
I'll send you several rolls
Via Virtual Air that LM use

You then can clean yourself up
Virtually every time
Yep, I'm having great time here
Constructing virtual rhyme

Which travel to your 'puter
In virtual seconds flat
You got those rolls of paper yet?
The cat sat on the mat

He's lost the plot...


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Thu 19th Mar 2020 22:10

Our supermarkets have all run out of loo rolls

Don send us poor Brits who have the shi

Opps! almost said a naughty word

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M.C. Newberry

Thu 19th Mar 2020 11:45

I bet his eyes were watering anyway!!
Good clean fun of an Aussie sort. 😏

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Don Matthews

Thu 19th Mar 2020 11:14

Yes Brian, our grits do come in
Various colours, grades
Fine for those with tender bums
All handcrafted made

Rough for outback horsemen
Who have a toughened bum
Their choice is usually jet black
Jet black ho ho hum

In Aus we are so lucky
With oodles of nice grit
To handcraft in all colours, grades
So hand we don't use it


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Brian Maryon

Thu 19th Mar 2020 10:56

Good old Aussie spirit...grit and determination!

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Don Matthews

Thu 19th Mar 2020 10:53

I'm grateful for your comments
Use only finest sand
Smoothing on the bottom
And better than one's hand

Of course if you are desperate
With no sand close at hand
What else can a poor fella use


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keith jeffries

Thu 19th Mar 2020 10:40


That must have been a grateful experience.
Good poem

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Thu 19th Mar 2020 08:41

Sand ain't grand for wiping the you know what - take care Don. Keep up with your sense of humour - there's never been a better time for it. P 👍

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