I had a moment.

Just before.

A moment spurred by what I saw

Now I'm not one to get caught by looks,

It was like a story from fantasy books

He stood alone, searching faces.

One of a hundred in busy places,

But this moment was special, I could see,

And even better.

He was waiting for me!

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"Yes, I'm fine" says the girl who doesn't lie,

Hides it all til later when she really wants to die.

Torn between helping others, and trying to stay alive,

Reluctance every morning

when into the day she must dive.

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It's usually at night when I'm left alone with my brain,

talk on facebook, imagine better, anything to refrain,

but it plagues my head again and again,

every night still ends up the same,

just one step closer to going insane.

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Where is a match without its box,

to strike up beauty flame?

a man on an island with  abundance of resources

yet noone to call his name

An incredibly carved body and neck without string to sound in pride

A tree that misses water, all shrivelled up and died.

Field of vunerablilty, stone heart as my match

box lay at home, door left off the latch

flame killed by water beauty ...

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They build a barrier
They shouldn't know
But try as I might
I let it show
He forgets
Or acts the same
As before we happened
Before we came
To be so close
Not close enough
Or I would have consented
It's been more tough
To let him go
When damage was caused
Blaming alcohol
I wish he'd paused 
To read my tears
But soon I'll see
How permanent a mark
He made on me

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I lived a life
That was not mine
But now I have returned
To fear of fucking up,
Withholding all my burns.

I think of it as heaven, no time to think of me
Everyone's accepted, whoever they may be

Not just another cog, I was a friend or extra arm
I did whatever they could not
The whole summer, keeping calm

I could manage anything
A new challenge every day
Reason for exhaustion
It ...

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The shadow, it has ammo and it's aiming for my head.
I try so hard at everything, but can I please give up instead?

I'm going away,
Oh happy day
But dreams fill me with dred
Used, unwanted, dicarded
I'm better left for dead

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I'd give up in a heartbeat, on a heartbeat if i could
It would hurt them so so much and I know that it would
I am difficult, i am stubborn and thick like mud
But i want to go away and I think that I should.

I think I am ungrateful, for the life I have been given,
I am horrible and disgusting and don't deserve to be forgiven
I say I try my very best, but I don't that that thats true,
If it...

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Look into the mirror
and all I see
those eyes will be 
the death of me

It hurts much more
than you can tell
through inner termoil,
my secret hell

I'm scared, I cry 
and hide in shame 
inside my shell,
each day the same

There are two sides
to all these lies
dream days away
and plan goodbyes

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