This website draws a picture
It really don't take long
Here’s my ten seconds’ labour
For you to gaze upon 

Who needs pen and paper
When all you do is type a prompt
No human being needed
Tell the robot what you want

It was clever, it was funny
It was quick and it was free
Upload your own image here
Wow friends and family

They shared it and they shared it
Like there was nothing wr...

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It’s Trump-tastic, policy elastic
What he said yesterday
Ain’t what he said today
What’s today’s favourite word?
What’s today’s favourite steaming turd?
It’s tariffs, tariff-tastic
Tariffs on cheap Chinese plastic
China, nowhere finer
For your cheap Chinese plastic MAGA tat
Your cheap Chinese plastic MAGA hat
Meanwhile here’s a pile for the EU
Meanwhile here’s a pile for the UK too
Not...

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Does it smell nice?
A letter from the king
Of scented ink, that kind of thing
Mellifluous craft and flowery word
Meticulously well-observed

Or does it smell of dusty palaces and old men
Tainted by the mouldering stench of then
Sparse script spiked with iron gall
As if the king should have to write at all

How tightly clenched, the royal jaw
How white-knuckled, the royal paw
Nib mashe...

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Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
There’d be no Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
We’d all have homes for heroes, provided by the state
Free healthcare at point of need, without having to wait
Refuge for the needy and the poor
Oh, how different, if we had won the war!

Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
We’d want for nowt, and never need for more
One nation under God
...

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Happy Hour is over in the New Austerity Inn
 And Rachel’s surveying the thinning crowd. 
“I thought it would be better than this,” 
She says to no one in particular.

The locals call her Rachel the Barmaid
They don’t think she’s qualified
To run the pub on her own.
She’s pinned her certificate to the wall
But done nothing about the flat beer
Or watered down spirits.

Meanwhile, outside...

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The reason that we call the past history
Is that his story was written by men, she said
But we were a veritable pantheon
In the temple of Jerusalem
In Jerusalem, back then

Before Israel and Judah drew the battle lines
Before the waves of Assyrians, Babylonians
You didn’t need a penis to turn water into wine
Before the wife of God was erased by the custodians
Of history
His story
His b...

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Mary

She pulled her shawl tighter around her
A mother should never have to outlive her child
There at the beginning and the end

She thought about her ex
A gentle man, good with his hands
Who never questioned her unexpected pregnancy
There’s nothing more working class, he’d laughed
Than giving birth in a barn

She pulled her shawl tighter around her
And remembered the starlight
The ...

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The man who built the burning house
rubs his hands, his fingers laced
The order for a million more
is ready to be placed

He flexes fists and wrists
like he’s choking the supply
He knows the tricks that keep demand
and profit-making high

New homes for all, the promises
of ministers and kings
The man who built the burning house
is waiting in the wings
 

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Henry parked his tractor in Whitehall
Turned to the camera to explain
My lifestyle is under threat, he said
It’s causing my accountant great pain

The only way to farm this land, he said
Is if your father was a farmer too
And if your granddad owned it before him
Then farming’s what you’re born to do

Like being a millionaire, I thought
The bit that was going unsaid
Why’s the right to o...

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Build a better mousetrap, people said
And the world will beat a path to your door
So, we built a better mousetrap, like they said
And the fat cats beat a path to our door

People bought our mousetrap, happy to choose
Between a cheaper, worser mousetrap
And a dearer, better mousetrap
That everyone was giving rave reviews

The fat cats were happy, ‘cause they had shares
In our mousetrap f...

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The river slapped against the dock,
unpleasantly,
incessantly.

We stood under the bridge
where Walworth once
had Tyler’s head displayed.
A revolt betrayed
by a misplaced faith in kings.

It’s not enough, she said,
to pull men from the river.
We must also go upstream
to see who pushed them in.

Upstream, the palace,
its sunlit terraces,
its privileged view.
We knew.
As Tyler bef...

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With fewer his majesties
There’d be fewer dead
Yet he leads the remembrance
The old soldier said
The symbols that you see
Are there to show you who’s the boss
They know that you’ll comply
With the poppy and the cross

The poppy and the cross
King and country and the rest
It’s amazing what you’ll suffer
To be told that you’re the best
His Majesty don’t care
For your sorrow and your lo...

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The moon shone bright, the frost was cruel
He lived a good league hence
But here to gather winter fuel
Lest he should burn the forest fence

When Wenceslas he did espy
And cried out Sire, why walk you by
And no longer bring me pine logs hither
Ye, who would bless the poor
A Christian man, good and sure
Whose allowance he’s content to wither

Wenceslas, full of grace
Struck the peasant...

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Tina believed the Big Lie
Now Tina’s gonna have to let time go by
Tina broke into the voting machine
To try to prove that Donald’s hands were clean
But Donald’s hands are dirty as hell
Now Tina’s hands are dirty as well
And Tina’s gonna have to let time go by
‘Cause Tina believed the Big Lie

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cr75mpkm7nro

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Growing up on social media
In the shadow of the crash
Born with a smartphone in their hand
Cynical and savvy, Covid survivors
There’s no job for life
This generation understand
Multitasking hard
To out-skill the robot
No cap doffed to bosses
Who’d replace you with AI
Hard work beats a path
To the Bank of Mum and Dad
Who’d better stay together
If you’re gonna get by
No help from the s...

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A cloth so beautiful, he said
I’ll weave for you, Sir Kier
That to the simple or unfit
Invisible ‘t will appear

These splendid clothes, I just must have
What do they cost, pray tell
To you it’s free, the Baron said
‘N’ I’ll dress your wife as well

He set up looms and set to work
Weaving night and day
And yet the golden thread they brought
He simply put away

Kier sent a spad to vi...

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A two grand hat made out of bears
Is what the British foot guard wears
It’s stupid, cruel, just not funny
And a massive waste of money

While Rachel says we can’t afford
For winter fuel to be restored
And Auntie freezes in her flat
The guardsman wears a two grand hat

A two grand hat made out of bears
Hunted, shot and trapped in snares
Stupid, cruel and just not funny
And makes guards...

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Dickens might’ve written him
The people ain’t forgiven him
And here he is
Large as lives
Blunt as knives
Doesn’t care who lives or dies
Has important meetings
And you’re keeping him from eating
He’s only gonna give you up ‘til lunch

Dickens might’ve written him
Cameron permitted him
And here he is
Large as death
Of wicked heft
Foul contempt upon his breath
Too important to be here
...

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Cold pensioners applauding
A pay rise for His Majesty
Smoke outdoor cigarettes
Where their local used to be

They share their coughs with cows
Busy trampling the corpses
Of a million culled badgers
Who never were their causes

The Britpop feelgood factor’s
Now a website bound to crash
Get your tits out rock ‘n’ roll
Is waiting for your cash

Where is the joy, they ask
Of booting ou...

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Derek Drummond, 58
Punched a copper in the face
Stole some bricks and threw them straight
He’s doing time for Nigel

Declan Geiran joined the fight
Tried to set a van alight
Admitted arson, as you might
He’s doing time for Nigel

John O’Malley, 43
Helped destroy the library
Now he’s under lock and key
He’s doing time for Nigel

William Morgan, 69
Brought a cosh with crime in mind
...

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His nan died in a hospital corridor
His mum says her UC’s a ‘mare
He’s stuck for life in the box room
No girlfriend will wanna come there

He’s scrawled across the middle of a Cross of St. George
In marker, Stop The Boats
He’s been told for so long that’s the answer
A three-word bid for votes

He’s doing the windows, he’s lighting a fire
Chucking bricks at police patrols
He’s marking t...

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It’s happy hour in The New Austerity Inn
And a fight’s already broken out
If you can’t afford it, you can’t have it
Rachel cries, as another brick flies
And machetes are drawn in the street outside
Someone’s set fire to a police van
Someone’s shouting at Keith with a wreath
Someone says what about the children
A small voice what about the children
But the far right are flying the flag
An...

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This is the real life
This is the butcher
This the austere knife
The hand that pushed her
These are the cuts
This is the missed meal
This door is shut
This wound will not heal

This is the teacher
With nothing to say
This is the preacher
With no room to pray
This is the healer
Refusing to heal
This is the dealer
With souls to steal

This is the leader
With no will to lead
He’s ...

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My dearest darling Natalie
I really like your style
Your tenacity defending
This green and pleasant isle
Your hard line on asylum seekers
Coming over here
Our match was made in heaven
That’s obvious, my dear

We’re so alike, dear Natalie
It’s very plain to see
Your votes against equalities
And for Voter ID
Those rights for workers, I agree
Will really have to go
And never mind the m...

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Susan Hall in a ULEZ car
Andy Street on the street
Conservatives out in Blackpool South
And rare in a council seat

Sunak’s disappointed
But says that the plan is working
Meanwhile back in Rochdale
George Galloway is lurking
(Pro-Palestine but anti-woke
It’s somewhat disconcerting)

Rotherham, confusingly
Is back in Liverpool
And Coronation Street’s in Yorkshire
But Teeside’s under ...

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His dad was Greek 
His mum Palestinian 
Born in Turkey 
He grew up a Syrian
He’s a man of fighting age 

He’s handy with a sword
He’s on a small boat
Coming over here 
Red cross white coat
He’s a man of fighting age

They stuck him on a barge 
In Portland harbour
Lobbying hard 
For his departure
He’s a man of fighting age

A soldier 
In a foreign army
We’re not racist 
To say ...

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In the land where Goliath once strode
With the whine of a drone overhead
There’s an air strike on Al-Rashid Road

The targeted vehicles explode
And seven aid workers lie dead
In the land where Goliath once strode

In soft-skinned transport they rode
Too easy for missiles to shred
There’s an air strike on Al-Rashid Road

Where the lifeblood of charity flowed
Good Samaritans now fear to...

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Dead children
Funny cats
Dead children
Our ten best hacks
Dead children
Suspicious activity
Dead children
Click here to see
Dead children
Meghan and Harry
Dead children
Are they really unhappy
Dead children
How to get an upgrade
Dead children
Review and get paid
Dead children
The great game
Dead children
It’s always been the same
Dead children
Buy or sell
The burning man crie...

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There’s a man in a factory in Leicester
Fixing wings onto military drones
He breaks at eleven for coffee
While they bomb Palestinian homes

She smiles as he hands her a cuppa
Looking up from her targeting grids
She likes it when he brings her coffee
While they shoot Palestinian kids

He waits as she blows it cool gently
And wonders if he should just ask her
What is she doing this Frida...

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A Moonpig card
A forecourt bouquet
An inexpensive bottle
From a bin end display

Supermarket chocolates
Hopefully okay
Thorntons, maybe
Or Ferrero Rocher

A desperate poet
With not much to say
The pressure’s on
It’s Valentine’s Day
 

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Phone shop
Vape shop 
Chicken shop
Bookies

It used to be so sweet
Now it’s Unlucky Street

High crime
Traffic fine
Sex attacks
And decline

Phone shop
Vape shop 
Chicken shop
Bookies

It used to be so sweet
Now it’s Unlucky Street

Fly tipped
Dog shit
County lines
Conflict

High crime
Traffic fine
Sex attacks
And decline

Phone shop
Vape shop 
Chicken shop
Bookie...

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Righteous in his generation
He prays not for the washed away
His brilliant ship built just for him
He curses their decay

This antediluvian patriarch
Looks out just for his own
The animals came in two by two
And Noah drinks alone

https://youtu.be/kcSNnUV-nTA

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he played the man

not the ball

studs up, hard

worth at least

a yellow card

but he’s wearing

the armband

the grimace of authority

and nothing’s

going to happen at all

raw meat for the masses

and the physio’s on

run it off, son

run it off

he’s just letting you know

the big dog’s on the pitch

and if you get a bite

then you’re doing

...

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Much to Catherine and Thomas’ disgust
Ben liked keeping a slave
They thought that abolition was a must
He thought they should just behave

Benjamin liked keeping slaves so much
He purchased his local paper
And ran articles, polemics and such
About how he’d done slaves a favour

They’re much better clothed
And much better housed
And much better fed
The Herald espoused
Than your averag...

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They came with orders
And transporters
Souls with borders
Who are you we’re moving you
Off you go

Tentative roots in a new community
Ripped out fast with the impunity
Of cruelty to the refugee
Being Party policy
Who are you we’re moving you
Off you go

From one uncaring mean hotel
To the next uncaring mean hotel
No pleased as man with man to dwell
No fond farewell
Who are...

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He wears flat-fronted trousers
And unambiguous shoes
He wears a watery stare
His sour breath hints of booze

He doesn’t like your poetry
And he wants you to know
He doesn't like your words
Your meter or your flow

With prodding finger, spit-fringed lips
His ire is plain to see
It’s not your prodding rhymes
It’s your ideology

He despairs of modern life
But is disincline...

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Charlie’s struggling to piss
How did it come to this?
I should be pissing like a king
A king’s piss should be an impressive thing
A porcelain smashing
Splattering, crashing stream
In a magnificent cloud of steam
On these cold mornings
In draughty palaces

Charlie’s struggling to piss
It’s royally hit and miss
I’ve got medals, sashes and brocade
But I’ve got a trickle
When a k...

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Wealthy people: those with homes
Hairy people: those with combs
Royal people: those with thrones
Nosey people: those with drones
Music people: those with tones
Skinny people: those with bones
Traffic people: those with cones
Talking people: those with phones
Double people: those with clones
Gloomy people: those with moans (and groans)
Electric people: those with ohms
Library people: tho...

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It snapped my flagpole like a twig
Our John told the news
And a tree fell on the conservatory
Spoiling all our views

A whirlwind, literally, Kerry said
We couldn’t open our front door
The lampposts were all swaying
I’d never seen that before

A tree came right through Maisie’s roof
Pulled down the bathroom ceiling
The Liberal Democrats demand
The PM calls a COBRA meeting

Chief Sup...

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The leaves fall in his presence
The ground hardens to ice
Shortened are the days
As long become the nights

Until the Oak King rises
When the wheel turns again
And the song of the robin
Is heard over the wren

A time to feast, to come together
To let the flames burn bright
A time to understand
Without the darkness, there’s no light

Since it turns, so he returns
When the oak leaves...

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Write poetry
The right poetry
You might argue
That you
Wright poetry
Or rite poetry
For the church or the crown
Or right poetry
That you found upside down
But don’t write
Alright poetry
Write poetry
That’s right

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In the Evangelical Christmas Church
Baby Jesus lies in the rubble
In the square, fareless taxi drivers
Form a miserable huddle
In the Church of the Nativity
The grotto is eerily quiet
In Giacaman’s Christmas shop
There’s stock but no one to buy it
In Manger Square, no Christmas tree
As Gaza is brutally trampled
In Bethlehem, in the West Bank
Christmas has been cancelled

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There’s a girl on a tinsel-clad donkey
Leading the Christmas Crusade
She sits on a Santa Claus blanket
The donkey looks mighty dismayed

Behind, a man rides a camel
Which really ain’t pleased to be here
Three more dressed like comedy Arabs
They seem full of seasonal cheer

A woman in a tinsel halo
Is she Gabriel in her white sheet?
One of the comedy Arabs
Has posh running shoes on his...

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The dead can’t hear your apologies
The dead can’t see your sly smile
The dead can’t hear you blaming them
Like some oversized child on trail
The dead can’t see the messages
You accidentally lost
The dead can’t ask you questions
But the dead know just the cost
Of your lackadaisical attitude
Your laissez-faire approach
The meetings you weren’t bothered by
The rules with which you did not ...

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Napoleon wanted to buy them
And if it wasn’t for Elgin’s divorce
The Government might not have acquired them
At half the price, of course.
He told them that he had a firman
Although its veracity’s in doubt,
He said I’m telling you that the Sultan
Said I could take all the marbles out.
He was going to keep them in private
If it wasn’t for his divorce
Byron thought he was a pirate
And the...

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When the shelling stopped
They came for us
Come out with your hands up
A thousand thoughts a second
Tell them you're a farmer
The prisoners on farms
Seemed to be looked after
If they worked

They took us from Camp Beverlo
To Edingen, Zedelgem
Ostend to Tilbury
Waterloo
The transit camp at Kempton Park

Searches and interrogations
Digging ditches for new homes
Then we built the roa...

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Banning tents

Grabbing arses

The fancies

Of the ruling classes

Who laugh

At Gaza’s epitaph

While the NF march

Past the Cenotaph

Show some respect

Dissent’s forbidden

Welcome

To Put Up Shut Up Britain

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The years in prison were not kind to Goliath

He grew smaller and weaker while David grew strong

His castles kicked over; his crop destroyed before him

It weighed heavy on Goliath how it had all gone so wrong

So, he stood and he shouted at the ranks of Israel

Spoke of the river and the sea, words laden with dread

David called for his sling and selected five stones

He’d set...

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They rhymed them right
They rhymed them wrong
They rhymed in poetry and song
And when they saw things were not fair
They’d rhyme and oft times even swear

They rhymed them left
They rhymed them right
They rhymed them up
They rhymed them down
They rhymed by day
They rhymed by night
They rhymed the flat cap and the crown

Yes, rhymed of princes
Rhymed of kings
And rhymed of more impo...

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In the kingdom of the blind
A one-eyed man is king
He wears a tricorn hat
And his right arm’s just a sling
They’ll pickle him in brandy
When his last race is run
And he’s shagging Lady Hamilton
In a pub they call The Gun

His pals in the West Indies
Are keen on keeping slaves
That damnable Wilberforce
Our one-eyed hero raves
I’ll fight him with both arm and tongue
The lifestyle he be...

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