(I believe the price has gone up to £15 this year)

 

We bought our discount clubcard

It wasn’t very dear

Fo’ Notcutts Garden Centre -

Just twelve quid fo’ one year;

Besides percentage discounts

There’s coffee or there’s tea

Or even cappuccinos

That’s two a month fo’ free;

Now, reckon up two coffees

At just two quid a punt,

That’s forty eight quid fo’ the year,

Yer see, yer well in front;

Now I’m not known for parting wi’

My brass so liberally,

It’s said as I’ve got hap’nies as

My grandad gen to me;

But there’s temptation waiting there

On which my cash I’ve blown,

That’s way beyond what Adam faced –

Yer Notcutts fresh-baked scone;

I’m loathe to give it air-time

An’ cause a sconeless drought

Occasioning a run on it

In case supplies run out;

Besides fruit scones there’s walnut

An’ ones wi’ chocolate in

Wi’ raspberry fo’ yer five-a-day

(That’s what I call “win-win”);

I get a fruit one fo’ missen

And chocolate fo’ the spouse

Than lather it wi’ butter

Enough to point an ‘ouse;

The top is nice an’ crispy wi’

The middle fresh an’ soft

It doesn’t last two minutes out

Before it’s all bin troughed;

So listen up, you shoppers

An’ tek my sound advice

Just get yersens to Notcutts -

It’s really, really nice.