Dear Valued Customer
Dear Valued Customer,
Our records indicate that you recently contacted us on 11/11/2019. We would greatly appreciate your feedback, even though we probably will never read it.
We just don't have the time like we used to. Cell phones and video games now take up
most of our time. We did not go to college for nothing.
We used to be committed to world class service, but not anymore.
Dealing with people like you is just too difficult.
Your response will help us determine our new strategy.
We would like to do away with customer surveys entirely.
In fact, we would like to do away with customers.
They are a waste of time and detract us from our mission of snooping into
people's personal accounts. There is data to be mined and we are the miners.
We have asked an independent research company to conduct a survey about your experience. Although we suspect their report will correspond to what WE think, since we are the one's paying them
This brief survey should only take a few minutes to complete and all your personal information is fair game. We will turn around and sell it to other platforms as we have to make up the cost somehow. We don't need customers as much as we need cold hard cash. We have a ski trip planned for January.
Your feedback, while somewhat important, is not as important as keeping the lights on and the water running. So if you do not want to respond, it's okay.
We never liked you anyway.