The Key Fumbled

The world crumbles, while the disaffected shout at me,

The meek mumble, when they could scream a symphony,

Their low rumbles, underscoring the cacophony,

Their voice humbled, by the weight of their humility,

Their point jumbled, with the din of dim hyperbole,

The key fumbled, at the door to all humanity,

They blind stumble, on the pathway to divinity,

As we tumble, head first into insanity.

◄ Black Jack

A Stone For The Miller (Collaboration Feat Mae Foreman) ►

Comments

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Jason Bayliss

Sat 7th Sep 2019 22:05

Thanks Devon and Mae, and yes Mae, the balanced voice of the humble is often drowned out the brash voice of insanity, taking us all with it until someone with some sense speaks up.

J. x

Devon Brock

Sat 7th Sep 2019 21:08

How did I miss this? Excellent as always Jason.

D

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Mae Foreman

Sat 7th Sep 2019 21:01

Oh yes, it always does seem to be right behind us every time we turn our head and peer! 🎈
Mae

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Jason Bayliss

Sun 1st Sep 2019 22:26

Thanks Mae and Ruth, for your kind words. It was born of the phrase, "Scream a symphony," which as I'm sure you'll remember from the music discussion is a Chemical Brothers lyric. Funny how music just keeps reaching in isn't it my friend?πŸ˜€

J. x

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Mae Foreman

Sun 1st Sep 2019 20:49

A masterpiece dear Jason, master of rhyme and rhythm. Loved it 🎈Inhave always been bad at analyses, words are not enough here, alt least words would sell my mind short. I'll be reading this again and again. Lovely, staggering. Kudos 🎈
Mae

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Ruth O'Reilly

Sun 1st Sep 2019 13:57

Captivating us with your rhythmic tone Jason, love your heartfelt expression of the unequal distribution of power in society,

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Don Matthews

Sun 1st Sep 2019 12:59

Jason - interesting comments. Rhyme to me just tumbles out. I don't have to think much. As you say the structure and rhythm forces you pare down and focus. Prose, to me, takes more effort....

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Jason Bayliss

Sun 1st Sep 2019 12:55

Thanks Kate, very much appreciated.

Also thanks for liking Bon.

J. x

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Kate G

Sun 1st Sep 2019 12:53

LOVE the rhythm and message, and juxtaposition of ideas. Really great Jason.

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Jason Bayliss

Sun 1st Sep 2019 11:53

Thanks Keith and Don. There is something about the structure and rhythm of rhyme that forces me to pare down the rattling thoughts in my head. It helps me to focus. That's not to say that I don't like prose mind you, I love prose, but to write it I'd have to have a really clear thought or image present itself, and that doesn't happen too often for me.

J. x

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Don Matthews

Sun 1st Sep 2019 11:27

Thoughts from a simple lowly rhymer:

ee endings I liked.

The funneling lines, and end tumbling into insanity I liked.....

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keith jeffries

Sun 1st Sep 2019 11:18

Jason,

This poem is the world at a glance, a myraid of unravelled emotions and juxtaposed concepts. It has a strong element of despair but a glimmer of hope comes from it also .It is a poem for the reader to decide and draw conclusions from. I shall have to read it again soon as it merits some meditation.

Thank you for this
Keith

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