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The Deity Screams

 

Stand upon the mount and raise your eyes to the skies,

Let the fingers of your left hand trail in the seas,

The right held high to orchestrate the breeze,

Let your tongue taste the bitterness of lies.

 

Lift within your ancient soul angers raging fires,

Call upon your wounded spirit to quell all sentiment,

Know that in this world all mercy is spent,

And purity murdered by desires.

 

Call upon your left hand to raise the oceans high,

Call upon your right to stir the violent winds,

Call upon the cleansing fires to burn away all sins,

Let your eyes bear witness as the stars fall from the skies.

 

Break all things that were carefully constructed,

Let roaring waves wash the lands clean,

Let the raging tempest remove all that is obscene,

Let not the storm be obstructed.

 

Call down the skies, let them crash to the ground,

Lift up the waters to smother the land,

Let no shred of sentiment stay your hand,

Let no redemption be found.

 

And when the storm dies and the waters subside,

And the skies are lifted back to their heights,

Let your eyes rest upon these terrible sights,

As the lands and the oceans divide.

 

Let your hands catch the bitter tears as they fall,

As you mourn the passing of your troubled flock,

And you take stock on your mound of rock,

At their failure to heed your call.

 

◄ Stranger At The Hearth

Black Jack ►

Comments

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Jason Bayliss

Sun 1st Sep 2019 21:06

Yes Mae, I definitely saw this as a musical piece, wild, orchestrated violence and melodic soothing.

J. x

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Mae Foreman

Sun 1st Sep 2019 20:59

Fascinating! The idea of those two hands belonging to a conductor, an actual man a maestro, master of the universe conducting a celestial and earthly orchestra, harnessing the forces of nature; turning thunder to percussions and silence to violins...music is as haunting, as exquisite and as wild as creation! And a conductor is pretty much God holding all that in his hands! Excellent! ?
Mae

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afishamongmany

Wed 28th Aug 2019 20:13

Yo Jason - Yes an angry god indeed, sort of petulant, tantrumic like those of the the greek pantheon. God's anger by contrast is fierce but completely controlled, purposeful, and just. His mercy is never spent.
But a great poem if you're into greek gods. ?
Go well
><>

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Jason Bayliss

Wed 28th Aug 2019 08:25

Thanks Don, I think that's why, for me, they seem to take a while to think out but not too long to write. I usually have the idea for quite a long time before it goes anywhere near paper. It's usually only once I get rhythm in my head that I can start writing.

J. x

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Don Matthews

Wed 28th Aug 2019 00:48

I'm glad I didn't take my own advice here - don't even think of entering long poems.

A lot of comments suggested further exploration. I'm glad I did.

To me, a lot of work would seem to have gone into this powerful piece. To perfect the rhyme scheme in itself would have been a challenge.

A credit to you Jason. And no, I didn't even yawn......

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Jason Bayliss

Tue 27th Aug 2019 21:54

Oh I really like that fish, really like it. Who wrote it? Yes I'd have to say I didn't set out for biblical exactly but I did aim for an angry God, I hope that came across?

J. x

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afishamongmany

Tue 27th Aug 2019 21:51

Jason - certainly dramatic and well crafted but in no way biblical.

Many rail against God,
Though of course He's not there
And if He was
They still wouldn't care.
Some with an aside
Deny that He died
But most of the sea,
With a heave and a moan,
Just wish that He'd go
And leave them alone.

Go well
><>

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Jason Bayliss

Tue 27th Aug 2019 21:38

Wow, thanks Devon. I don't know what to say except just, thanks.
I saw it as kind of a conductor, but just one who was so pissed off with his orchestra that he decides to conduct them on their last frantic symphony, one that is so difficult and loud and crazed that in making them play it he knows it will destroy them all. Glad you liked it and thank you so much.

J. x

Devon Brock

Tue 27th Aug 2019 21:29

Jason,

This is a fantastic piece. I was immediately struck and awed by the image of one hand on the sea and one in the sky. Approaching this image from a biblical or cultural sense, you have opposing forces joining together to destroy duality returning the earth to a point of unpeopled purification - shorn of free will and doubt. That you consistently utilized that image throughout the poem provides the poem another level of meaning, which I think is the hallmark of great poetry.

D

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Jason Bayliss

Tue 27th Aug 2019 15:50

Thank you Jennifer, much appreciated, and those were some of my favourite lines too.
And thank you Lisa for liking.

J. x

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jennifer Malden

Tue 27th Aug 2019 15:44

Wow! Terrifying - agree about the rhyme scheme - especially liked 'let your tongue taste the bitterness of lies - all mercy is spent - and the last verse. Definitely has a biblical sound or perhaps Mother Nature? It is a really powerful image and would be amply deserved!

Jennifer

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Jason Bayliss

Tue 27th Aug 2019 15:44

Thanks Dorothy, Ruth, Adam and Heart. I've had this image in my head for some time now and it's taken a while to form into words but it's nice that it has because now I can stop thinking about it.?

J. x

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Adam Rabinowitz

Tue 27th Aug 2019 15:20

Your poems are powerfully crafted and always a journey to somewhere epic. Thanks for sharing.

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Ruth O'Reilly

Tue 27th Aug 2019 14:38

An epic almost Biblically poetic description of climate change enjoyed the dramatic image you directed with your words. x

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Jason Bayliss

Tue 27th Aug 2019 12:11

Thanks Kate, it's reassuring to know that some of the image that was in my head successfully transferred to paper.

J. x

<Deleted User> (22444)

Tue 27th Aug 2019 11:40

I read this a few times Jason. Very powerful.

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Jason Bayliss

Tue 27th Aug 2019 11:31

I don't personally have faith, but in my mind's eye I could see a raging God tearing out the pages of the story he'd written and dashing them into the bin. I don't believe that will happen, it just seemed a really powerful image. I hope I've done it justice.

J. x

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