Kyle McCall Wilson Hopes You Are Okay
When it was suggested that I should write about one of my poems, two came to mind instantly. One was political and to be honest I don’t think I’m educated enough to really have a discussion about politics, it’s a pretty inhumane topic, it gets real ugly really quick. The poem I want to open up about is a really important poem to me. Fair warning, I’m about to get into topics relating to mental illness and suicide.
My poem I hope You’re Okay happened as I was struggling to get through to a friend who I knew was struggling with some pretty horrid stuff. My friend wasn’t responding to my texts and if she was I could tell my friend wasn’t doing good.
I Hope You Are Okay
I hope you are okay, I know it’s more than a bad day.
Whichever version of you is here, which one will hear?
I want you to know that you are loved,
I’m scared cause I know you can get through this,
To be honest without you, I can’t do this, I feel useless.
Listen, I know what it’s like to feel beyond broken.
I may not believe in myself, but I believe in you, every one of you.
I’m writing from a place of worry and genuine sorry.
Sorry about your darkness, sorry that all I have is words.
I just hope you believe them, you have demons, you can defeat them.
I get it, I’m just a poet, a stranger, you have pain and how can I know it.
I can’t know it, I’m not going to pretend to, I just want to be real with you.
I may not know the detail of your pain. but I feel it all the same.
Others will tell you, suicide is not an option, not me, it’s a comfort, a solution?
What they should say is that, it’s the wrong option, not about shaming.
I mean, your brain, on depression can’t correctly make the best choices.
Everything good to you, is now just silent noise,
everything bad is louder, than any helpful voices, be them internal or external.
With that in mind, how are you going to make, at least an informed choice.
I really hope you’re okay, I really hope you’re found safe.
I’m aware these words are not enough, maybe you didn’t make it today.
Maybe you fell so low and couldn’t be reached.
Your feelings you couldn’t show them and attention you didn’t want to seek.
I just know your loved ones, would say if you heard them speak.
Words of worry, words of love, please stay, please be safe, we need you.
Late or not, from the heart, I hope you are okay, it doesn’t have to end this way.
People often say “oh you’re just having a bad day” and that often isn’t the case with mental illness, it’s just not that simple. When I talk about which version you will hear, that has multiple meanings. The main one being that, I understand that you’re not yourself when depression takes a hold, so it depends on which version of you will read this. The friend that inspired this means the world to me and we lean on each other during the dark times, its pretty special and I end the verse by letting them know I believe in them and I need them to get through life.
I’m not a doctor, I have zero training in psychology. I can’t help in that regard but I feel like I know depression and feeling beyond broken, but I believe in everyone else. Its at this point I open the conversation up to more than just my friend, I thought it could help others, plus I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing a poem that was kind of about a specific person. I talk about being sorry because I am, it’s the most soul destroying thing to watch someone suffer knowing there isn’t anything you can do or say to fix it, I feel that pain because I know that struggle. It is what it is and all I have is words. Believe me I mean them, but its up to the sufferer to believe them, when it comes to my friend I know their demons are no match to their inner strength.
I really hope you’re okay, is a poem where I’m trying to give the most authentic depiction of a really dark moment that is often spoken about in whispers and metaphors. A problem has never been solved by avoiding it, suicide is not Voldemort and it is very real, we can and should talk about it more.
With this poem I hope it could give a better insight to those who aren’t familiar with mental illness and suicide, I also obviously wanted to reach out to those suffering from such issues.
Thanks For Reading