(For those with long memories of this dire soap and with apologies to Laughing Lenny Cohen)

 

I remember it well, “The Crossroads Motel”

Your acting consistently shite

Giving my head through the script being read

A migraine that lasted all night;

But those were the days; I rode BSAs;

We watched on our screens black and white;

Your actors were poor, the walls and the door

Would wobble as lines they’d recite;

Ah, but you got away; ITV dropped the play;

Your legend in tatters and torn;

Once you’d gone away never once would we say

“We miss you”, We don’t miss you,

“We miss you”, We don’t miss you

Once Crossroads Motel was withdrawn.

 

I remember it well “The Crossroads Motel”

You were famous, your plots were a legend;

Unlike ITV though we could all see

The base of the pots they were dredging;

No more would we beg for Sandie and Meg

Who pushed him around in his chair;

And nor furthermore for Benny who wore

A bonnet to cover his hair;

Ah, but you got away ITV ditched the play

We look back on you now with some scorn;

Once you’d gone away never once would we say

“We miss you”, We don’t miss you,

“We miss you”, We don’t miss you

One bereavement that we would not mourn.

 

I remember it well “The Crossroads Motel”

With characters plastic and dead;

That suave Adam Chance who had a romance

With Jill, whom later he wed;

And that Miss Diane whose number 1 fan

Was Benny, not Shughie McPhee;

Amy Turtle, the Brummie, whose acting was crummy

Mester ‘Unter – how wooden was he?

Ah, but you got away; ITV dumped the play

Though some years later reborn

Your plot was still grey; we’d once again say

“We’ve not missed you, we don’t miss you

We’ve not missed you, we don’t miss you;

Yet again, the soap was withdrawn

 

I remember it well “The Crossroads Motel”

Your acting consistently shite

Giving my head with the script being read

A migraine that lasted all night.