Snow

by Rachel McGladdery

Saturday 2nd January 2010 3:31 pm

(a very silly poem about snow )

Craning to see into the grey dizzying flakes,

Crazy swirling, grey on white

It won't settle

I want to shout

To stop the suicidal descent.

"It's wet

the ground is wet".

Oh what a waste

How full the sky is, never ending

Blinding hurting to see

But doomed, each one to end as

a grey slush cadaver

then melt,

gurgling murderously down the flood drain

Then nothing.

Comments

Rachel McGladdery

Tue 5th Jan 2010 15:17

Thanks Ann and Andy for the comments. I really wanted the snow to stick and it felt like a waste all these big huge flakes coming down and just melting... I got my wish this morning though, we're blanketed in the stuff and the kids are all off school....joy, rapture!
Cheers
Rachel
x

Andy N

Mon 4th Jan 2010 08:23

i like the use of the 'then nothing' at the end as it brings it to a sudden stop... nice piece, rach.. it is perhaps a little silly but silly is good.. x

Ann Foxglove

Sat 2nd Jan 2010 15:51

Not a silly poem Rach. It's funny how others see our stuff. I've written a poem in about 5 minutes, while watching TV and talking to my son all at the same time, and then find that others say it is the best thing I've done. Then there's maybe a poem I feel proud of that no-one notices. But the one you may write on the back of a fag packet, without even thinking about it, maybe the better poem. Where do they all come from? That's what I'd like to know - or maybe better not knowing! ;-) xx

Rachel McGladdery

Sat 2nd Jan 2010 15:31

Cynthia, I take the point entirely. It had slipped my notice.It ought to be '....as a grey slush cadaver...'
I'll put it right
cheers and a happy new year,
Rachel
x

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 2nd Jan 2010 14:52

It is good, Rachel. Nothing like one-on-one with creation, whether it be a snowflake or a bird or a flower; it is a very exhilarating existence to live like this.
Watch for grammar agreements (which I mention only because you are so good). If you went straight for: But doomed to end as grey slush cadavers... you'd have no hitch with singular and plural. You would also lose the intimacy of the individual flake that I think you want. Small, small point, but consider it.

<Deleted User> (6895)

Sat 2nd Jan 2010 12:56

Good afto,McGladders,you say this poem is silly-I don,t,I,m going to print it off,have it converted into gold lettering,frame it and send it to you for autographing,that,s how much I love it-you do believe me don,t you-will you do the same with my masterpieces? lol! rock on Rach

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Snow

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