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Windows

 

I see the house in the distance, it looks me straight 

in the eye. 

Its chimneys and towers are like daggers, piercing 

holes in the sky.

Shutters have freed from their bolts and flap like the 

wings of a bird.

The storm rages around me, suddenly I don’t feel so 

prepared.

The old dark trees that surround me shake violently 

side to side.

Each step I take is a step too far, but now I've got 

nowhere to hide.

I can almost feel the houses anger, an anger it can't 

contain.

And as the lightning strikes its walls, there seems 

hatred in its aim.

Those flashes light up the windows, for a second and 

no more.

Did I really see those people there, I can't say I did 

for sure?

But now I see them again, in every window I see a 

sad face.

And I notice an empty window, I think they've saved 

me a place.

A place for the non-believers, a window all of my own. 

In the house full of lonely people, a house I can now call 

home

◄ Dreamland

Dad ►

Comments

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Mike Bartram

Sun 17th Jun 2018 13:22

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this poem and leave comments. I think we have all had a 'Windows' moment, a feeling of extreme loneliness and isolation, it all depends how we deal with it, some people can't handle it and basically give up on life because of it. This house I suppose is for those people...'the non believers'

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raypool

Wed 13th Jun 2018 22:55

Just for a minute, I was reminded of The Green green grass of Home in the metre Mike. Is there a feeling of being condemned by non belief? to be caged up by falling short ? Just a thought. Well put together and compulsive reading.

Ray

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Don Matthews

Wed 13th Jun 2018 16:11

Brian

baird/prepared is perfect sense for a rhyming couple.

All for poetic license but don't know what you mean here ?

Don

<Deleted User> (18980)

Wed 13th Jun 2018 15:08

Don - Firstly, why not poetic licence?

Secondly - I think Mike is from Liverpool, as was my dad, where bird is pronounced baird I believe.

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Don Matthews

Wed 13th Jun 2018 14:38

Like Brian and Keith - this is very good. You set up a good lilting rhyme pattern, I was nicely into the rhythm and then suddenly you introduce a line which doesn't rhyme and is out of place:

"The storm rages around me, suddenly I don’t feel so
prepared".

I don't know whether you intended but on another tangent I felt unprepared for this sudden change in the rhyme structure, as you did for the storm. If intended I thought it rather clever

Don

PS. Unless you meant bird/prepared the rhyming couple

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Hazel ettridge

Wed 13th Jun 2018 08:15

Very smooth and succinct. You paint a picture and the last two lines are great - especially as we are left not knowing if you are happy or sad with the situation. A window of my own and home suggest happiness, but full of lonely people is more despairing.

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keith jeffries

Tue 12th Jun 2018 22:28

Mike,
This is a masterpiece of poetry. It flows, you take the reader with you through vivid descriptions yet all is tinged with a sense of the otherness of life.
Thank you
Keith

<Deleted User> (18980)

Tue 12th Jun 2018 21:15

Mike - very good...really very good!

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