Becoming

Being

Not quite what I was

Not even who I want to be

Not recognizing who I am

Can't go back to who I was

Can't get to who I want to be

Can't figure out who I am

The past kicked me out

But my future won't let me in

And my present won't give me rest

Trying to let go of her

Trying to become the better she

Trying to find the present me

I escaped the madness

Can't get into the vortex

But I'm living in chaos

No longer the caterpillar

But not quite the butterfly

And not sure of this cocoon

I want to go back to her just so I know who I am

I tried to get to the new her but she won't let me in

I can't find me in who she is now

Stuck in the middle

I tried crying and drinking

Praying and fasting

Reading and writing

Meditating and vibrating

I'm still sad but pretending to be happy

I'm still broken but pretending to be whole

I'm still crying on the inside but smiling on the out side

I'm still fighting the doubt but pouring out encouragement

I'm still trying to see who I was so that I can be a better me

I'm still pressing toward a victory that I can't see

I can't even tell you who I'm trying to be

An author, a lawyer, a mom, a wife?

Anything but who I am

I lost the meaning, purpose and goal in the fight

Now I'm just fighting because all I know how to do is fight

Do something, move forward even if I don't know where I'm going

Stuck between everything I was and everything I think I want to be