III of swords

she asks me to follow her and i do without care

i wasn’t obliged but didn’t have anything better to do

unwillingly i take a glimpse at her, she has an air

where we are going ? i didn’t have a clue

 

the sun was shining bright and i didn’t have anything to share

so we kept walking  until a wolf broke the silence

« shh shh » » she goes , the wolf passes by unaware

i look at her , never saw her so worried and off balance

 

we are close she sais to make me stop staring

back to myself i get a little embarrassed and look elsewhere

thats when i noticed two people and started comparing

they are so different yet have many things to share

 

she glances at me «  what are you looking at over and over  ?  »

i apprise her of what i saw with details and firmly

« you can’t know ! »she sais ,if you look in their eyes you’ll find the answer

thats when she asked me to look at her and tell her what i see

 

i knew her for a long time but i always evaded her eyes

scared to see something, to know ,afraid of the concealed

but i decided to look whatever it implies

i saw her hanging in the border of a cliff ,her fate sealed

 

to my surprise i couldn’t say what i had witnessed

i spoke the first lie and looked away   

and we went back to the comfortable silence  , trusted

until i realised we were walking in a dark alley

 

i got scared and for a moment she refused to say anything

« life is sad because you keep looking for bad things

change you view and you’ll see what life will bring  »

just as i was going to answer , a scream from nowhere springs

 

the wolf is in front us , the alley is almost desert

i look back i see her fixing him with determination

she screams my name  , « stayyy alertttt  »

my legs moves instinctively , running for my perdition

 

she takes out a knife and put it in my chest without hesitation

the wolf smelling blood comes running to feed

Iam laying there living eternal damnation

with a tear falling of her cheek she stabs it until it bleeds

 

she keeps on stabing the creature even after it died

crying now louder she screams tosses the knife and get back

she keeps getting back as if shes going to hide

but the creature had long died can no longer attack

 

i think i still have some moments before i go

but all i can think of is why i didn’t shout

why didn’t i fight why did i stand in her shadow

why did i go with her, i knew something was off theres no doubt

 

Iam cold and i dont feel my legs anymore

and my body feels very light

im very scared i wasn’t a good person i was a boor

im trying not to sleep but i think i might ….

◄ temperance

my depression ►

Comments

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Douglas MacGowan

Sat 24th Mar 2018 17:54

A poem that speeds up as you get nearer the end. You want to get to the end although I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that it wasn’t going to end nicely.

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Brian Maryon

Sat 24th Mar 2018 17:41

Tom - IMHO that quote you gave is one of the daftest I have ever heard.

Racha - up to you which advice you follow.

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Tom Harding

Sat 24th Mar 2018 17:22

Racha I wouldn't worry too much about that, John Clare, one of the greatest ever English poets, couldn't spell and used 'bad' grammar. In his own words-
'grammar in learning is like tyranny in government'

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racha chafik

Sat 24th Mar 2018 16:08

Ok Thank you anya and Brian. I will try to use spell boy .
The last poems I've posted I did a lot of work on them so that there would be at least no grammar error . I will try to be better . And thank you for your honesty I'm veryyyy glass

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Brian Maryon

Sat 24th Mar 2018 15:32

Racha - okay, some days ago you said you welcomed serious critique...so here goes:

My feeling is that if this poem was tidied up it would be very good. As it is the various errors are extremely off-putting. I hope this helps. I'm not trying to be funny, clever, superior etc, and I know that English isn't your first language, but if you are posting on an English language site you need to do your utmost to ensure your work is as error-free as you can make it. Best wishes for your future work. Brian

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racha chafik

Sat 24th Mar 2018 15:08

thank you im waiting until you find the word , write it to me if it ever comes to you

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Brian Maryon

Sat 24th Mar 2018 14:34

LIKE...ish

It definitely has something Racha but I'm struggling to find the right words.

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