The Centre of Nightmares

A real experience by Fred Varden


A trip to get me iPhone fixed

I’m all set up but me feelings are mixed 

Pull in t’ car park just after one

Cant find a space till someone’s gone

Or died an’t car’s been towed away

To let another one park for the day


Now the issue of remembering,

which section I’m in, it’s never ending

Arrive inside the Debenhams store

But I’ve not got a clue, upon which floor

I’m on, or where I’m heading to

All I know, is that I need the loo


The Apple Store is not in sight

Directions are needed in this light

People pushing everywhere,

a guy says “you need to go upstairs”

I thought I was, but obviously not

So I wrote it all down in case I forgot


The Genius Bar guy said “hi there Fred”

but I’m sure he’d just got out of bed

He went through the usual system checks

As I’m sat there like a nervous wreck


He said, the software was on the blink

Threw everything at it but the kitchen sink

“If this doesn’t do it, return it if you wish”

Would I really want a repeat of all this?


I leave, take a right instead of a left,

by this time I am completely bereft,

of energy or the wherewithal

to find me car or even walk at all


I take a breather from’t madding crowd,

kids are screaming and it’s really loud

Three hours gone just to fix me phone,

Now all I want is to get back home


Can’t find t’ car, I walk round and round

 Not a soul about, no sight nor sound

‘As me car been nicked? surely not,

no way!

And so ends another perfect day!

(Dedicated to The Trafford Centre, England)




















Fairy Cakes, Butterflies and High Tea ►


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