“I’m fine”

F. reaking out

I. nsecure

N. eurotic

E. motional

Those are the words that F.I.N.E make up

Words that lie

“I’m fine”

I say as my mind reels and races through time.

Not a day goes by that I don’t question myself.

My misconceptions and decisions.

I wish I knew how to express my thoughts

Maybe in a conclusive way,

one that was easily understood

and not misconstrued by others to what they think I am saying.

“You’re a great person!”

They say with side eyes and tight faces.

They say this as they know I lie.

But what they don’t know is

I lie to protect myself,

or maybe I lie to hide from the truth.

Truth being that I need help but don’t know how to ask for it.

Why do I do this?

Why do I feel the need to lie to my family about what I feel?

Why do I need to lie?

about my own personal thoughts to the person I share everything with?

I share almost everything except my self- decimating thoughts,

how I should change or

how I hate how I look.

When I should feel fine with doing so,

but I don’t.

I do sometimes,

but lord it is only when I am at my wits end

and I cry and scream.

And he holds me as the thoughts halt and shatter.

“I’m fine, I ate today” I say as my stomach growls with hunger.

I lie about my consumption of food

I hate the image in the mirror.

“You’re beautiful!” They say, while all I see

Features that could be straighter or thinner.

“I’m fine.”

I say as my mind only sees the faults and escalating numbers on the scale.

Lying is easier than seeing the truth,

and that hurts.

Lying is easier, but it isn’t the truth.

But sometimes the truth hurts more

than the fantasy that everything is fine.

When, life is crumbling around me.

I lie once again.

“I’m fine.”

Lies, lies, and more lies.

What is one more lie?

To a person who

is nothing but a lie.