death poem

and swooping down from the nest

we spied a vast swathe of humanity

a neon smear of life       just try telling

this bristling immensity

 

this rhythmic pulse

 

that somewhere god was dying               not dying as we will die

with weathered eyes and peeking bones

but dying in the hearts of each person who had                                faith

 

now crumpled                   faded                    a cotton-like receipt

 

found in the hinterland of a tight denim pocket

 

dragging their weariness through

one last sepia portrait

 

until passing through the sickly scent     

 

of immortelle and strawflower

 

they find themselves in a garden

 

the last garden

 

where the rain catches in the necks of the black roses

 

so determined but

 

eventually

succumbing to the weight

the stems bending until

the flowers kiss the ground

water spilling from the petals as blood from a wound

 

 

 

🌷 (5)

◄ rapture 2

oh-captain/my-captain ►

Comments

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Robert Mann

Sat 21st Oct 2017 15:08

Stu - a beautiful representation of inevitability. A bird's eye view of mankind's trudge toward godlessness. As an atheist, I say its about time too. You capture the final defiant fight so well I am envious of your words. Thanks for this one.
Rob

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suki spangles

Sat 21st Oct 2017 04:21

Hi Stu,

It really isn't easy to write a poem about this subject ~ so many pitfalls, but this is excellent.

The last verse, to my mind, is as good as anything you have written. Nice one, and thanks for sharing!

Suki

Martin Elder

Wed 18th Oct 2017 20:59

another beautiful poem Stu. The lines from
'the last garden where the rain catches in the necks of the black roses' to the end are magnificent.

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Stu Buck

Thu 5th Oct 2017 14:53

cheers all! yes ray, you are close. i'm actually not entirely happy with the layout of this, the words are fine but i'm definitely not the best at using space and placement. im going to play around with it i think. lovely words as ever though thanks!

(immortelle was a new one on me but i loved the word as soon as i read it)

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Hannah Collins

Thu 5th Oct 2017 12:43

Poignant, I read it twice.
Thank you for your comment on my poem.

Hannah

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Laura Taylor

Thu 5th Oct 2017 09:36

Amazing imagery and wordplay as always Stu. I've never heard of immortelle before.

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raypool

Wed 4th Oct 2017 19:19

This has a resonance of an afterlife or our conception of what it might be I reckon Stu. It feels so strong as if the words themselves are dying. A very unearthly sense and especially interesting is the denim and the receipt like a figurative focus. The awareness of the birds is a sort of superiority compared with loss of faith. Am I close?

Ray

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