if my ugly had a shape it would be a spiral

by Stuart Buck

Monday 7th August 2017 11:10 am

so powerful

to feel so afraid, alone

how lucky

how beautiful

to feel so connected by our inherent loneliness

a vast, waxy net of loss

everyone on their own track, intersecting never

forever, dead kids

forever, all the stars

forever, yet never –

shine shine shine

shine do you see and shine

how dim my light is shine

yet shine my light so dim

we can be pretty, my light so dim

if only we crack the mirrors

and shine so dim

shine so dim

shine

shine your light so dim

shine in my eyes and blind

shine so blind and now

shine for god and

shine for jesus

so dim and shine

for he will touch my light

and my soul will be

shine shine shine

on this garbage world

and shine shine shine

you worthless fucks

shine shine shine

and beg for mercy

and then

just shine

trapped in a cage

shine for blood

shine for freedom

i tremble

and god is there

shining down on me

and this is how

this poem ends

with god

and light

and a silver light

welcoming me home

Comments

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 8th Aug 2017 20:51

The first ten lines joined to the last ten lines - for me - cover deep thoughts finely expressed, with insight and power. The 'middle' seems like ranting stuck in rewind, accomplishing nothing. Now, maybe, that is exactly your intent. With great effect.

When does a suffering person effect a separation from the deliberate enjoyment of self-destruction?

Cathy Crabb

Tue 8th Aug 2017 08:32

I like the idea of a light struggling to stay.
Fibonacci is what I think beauty is- each to their own!

raypool

Mon 7th Aug 2017 14:50

Skilful espionage of the spirit Stu. I just felt that word - a spiral I can understand as it common to all life and indeed states of being and seeing. Our conception of light and dark is an interesting state in itself , containing as they do all colours and no colours - both sides of the colour coin and ultimately the dark side of the moon is just as much in existence as the "seeable." Try that with mustard.
Somehow I'm reminded of lyrics from All the Things you Are - "trembling on the blink of a lonely star."

Excellent feel to this.

Stu Buck

Mon 7th Aug 2017 09:51

thanks both, both for your comments and concern, but actually my usual rule applies here, the more content i am the darker the poetry becomes. i actually wrote this to perform live but decided to post it as i was quite pleased with how it read.

graham, i am glad you felt lost, as the whole thing came forth as an exercise in how best to describe the feeling of being alone.

so, as much as i would love to enforce the brooding, dark persona of a troubled mind, things are quite alright really!

Graham Sherwood

Mon 7th Aug 2017 09:43

If you are describing a Damascene moment then I get it. There is a unsettling thread in this however.
Although I can understand the numerous repetitions of shine to emphasise the transformation, I personally felt lost within them.
This is very effective although If you were on my speed dial I think I'd be ringing you up!

Powerful stuff as usual Stu.

Graham

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if my ugly had a shape it would be a spiral

Comments

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