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PUBLIC AMENITIES

The wind of change blows along the Humber

the city of culture is doing the rhumba

with civic joy

for the famous bridge has been duly listed

along with the flats where Larkin lived

and a barrier for the tidal surge,

Edwardian toilets for men and women;

all's well for the City of Hull.

 

Meanwhile in the deepest south

there are rumblings and winds of discontent

as the loos are closing in several towns

in the equally cultured Surrey Downs. 

 

Good people of Hull

with your shiny new badges of civic pride

remember us, often less able to get around

with full bladders or with the runs

as our councils have permanently

closed these doors from lack of funds.

 

We'll try when getting the unsatisfiable urge

not to think of that tidal surge. 

◄ THE AUTOBIOGRAPHIES OF THE FAMOUS

THE GARDEN BRIDGE(From Tales of the Unaccepted) ►

Comments

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raypool

Mon 14th Aug 2017 19:06

Thanks Harry and Mark again. "In passing" I don't think a comment could add anything to either of your observations - thanks though...

Ray

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M.C. Newberry

Mon 14th Aug 2017 17:55

Trust Harry to make the eyes water - piping up on the
subject of piping down!

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Harry O'Neill

Mon 14th Aug 2017 17:36

Guys, the path to pissorial freedom
Away from those snobby attendants
Is to sniffily prove you don`t need`m
- Micturationally gain independance -
By engaging the famous Cath Etter
Who`s handily on and off switches
Are attested to make you pee better
Free of all fumblings and twitches.

(just trying to help)

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raypool

Sun 13th Aug 2017 20:36

Quite right Mark. Keep it zipped. Thanks for adding your comments.

Ray

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M.C. Newberry

Sun 13th Aug 2017 16:13

Whilst understanding the widespread resentment
towards the policy of closing public
toilets on grounds of "cost" (taking
the piss in its most irritating form!),
I marvel at the comments of depth found on this utilarian
topic. Adding anything more would seem somewhat superfluous -
except for the memory of my first experience
of entering a foreign equivalent and finding a female
attendant. Something of an early culture shock!

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Tom Doolan

Sat 12th Aug 2017 22:36

Hi Ray - the days of toilet attendants in hotels has long gone. Well said David - Spoken like a true proletariat. I am but a peasant that wants to piss in peace.

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raypool

Sat 12th Aug 2017 21:12

Thanks Tom for your urinary thoughts - I think you may have delusions of grandeur. I worked in many hotels and always felt overwhelmed by the presence of frock coated attendants and obliged to tip them. This was in the days of the brush down and the extended hand. Are there any posh hotels in Hull? I think there soon will be.

The politics of piss David. You do have a good point - nothing comes free it seems.

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Tom Doolan

Sat 12th Aug 2017 19:42

Hi Ray - An interesting, humorous and astute observation on the lack of public toilets.

Whenever I am visiting London or a European city and get caught short, I walk confidently straight into a top class hotel. The doorman usually opens the door and tips his hat. Generally just off the lobby I avail myself of a gleaning marbled spotless toilet, complete with lovely soap and individual hand flannels. Works a treat.

T :)

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raypool

Sat 12th Aug 2017 15:59

HI Kevin. I've never been thereabouts, so can't really deliver an opinion . I wonder who makes the momentous decision about giving a leg up to decaying cities which were mainly messed up in the sixties rebuilding orgies, getting rid of so much that we could still be proud of. The reading was rough, but his voice was so expressive!

Thanks David. The tidal surge was a gift! Perhaps pissoirs with oyster cards might be the thing (more appropriate in a fishing town of course.). Maybe everyone should go to Hull once. I recall Wilfred Brambell being arrested for importuning in Shepherds Bush . I also like the word importunate, little used today. Fuck it.

Hi Col. Your point about culture of the north is a good one. The truth is of course that every place of habitation has variations of culture within its bounds, but that is too boring - the wide sweeps of territorial claims are always more politically easier to handle and also more divisive.
I always value your observations, and I have changed that second Humber, cheers!

Martin, so true and a reversal of Victorian sensibilities in their great metropolitan aims. Now it's every man(or woman)for him(or her) self. My wife hates using the public loos so will choose a café. We often get separated that way.

Love to all. Ray

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Martin Elder

Sat 12th Aug 2017 13:17

some good comments here Ray regarding public amenities and the lack there of. I remember when my wife and I went to Barcelona for holiday and struggled trying to find a public convenience. In the end we had to use a costa's which I suspect that many towns and cities in this country are having the same problem. the obvious problem there being that you just continue the cycle because you feel obliged to buy a drink.
In Manchester one of the old below street level toilets has ben turned into a restaurant !
I think David could be right about the older man.
Love the opening lines in particular
Nice one
Martin

<Deleted User> (13762)

Sat 12th Aug 2017 08:53

excellent Ray - there is actually quite a lot of meat to chew on in this poem. I like the idea that perhaps in some slight twist of fate the north is becoming more cultured and amenable than the south, which by itself would be poetic justice.

was wondering if the second 'Humber' could be omitted?

cheers,
Col.

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kJ Walker

Sat 12th Aug 2017 06:49

I really enjoyed this one Ray.
I love to visit Hull. It once topped a list of the UK's crappest towns, but I just couldn't see it. It was in my view a well deserved City of culture.
I liked the way you read it too, but I don't think it sounded like Wogan. (I'm no judge)

Cheers Kevin

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