Watching a Group of Angry College Kids is Weirdly Entertaining

Downtown

east of

High street

where cars run rare

and exude mating calls

through means 

of 

rap.

Across from

the

funeral home

with running rust

that is

synonymous to melting

is an

art school

who prides a sign

that

arches over 9th street

that reads

A R T

and in essence

is bodied

of what could be known as design

or

in other words

describes young

fruit

that grows ripe

through means 

of drawing body outlines

on sidewalks parallel to the

student

that kissed a semi

in th street

or otherwise

amalgamates into a being

against

when students

are called

false names

given to them by the

Stork.

in front of

an

audience of 

recorders.

They stand along

with their

new fashioned

signs

to create

new meaning

of the same part

of 

town.

CollegeConnor LannesLifeProteststream of consciousness

◄ Experimental Proposition Following Observation of Apathy

Housewives, Magic Circles, and Poetic Gimmicks. ►

Comments

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Laura Taylor

Fri 12th May 2017 16:05

You're welcome - and welcome to WOL too, I hope you'll enjoy it here.

We all like to play with line breaks don't we? But what we should be aiming for is extra meaning, more significance, added ambiguity, rather than 'why's it ended like that?'.

Anyways, have a great weekend 😃

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Connorlannes

Fri 12th May 2017 15:17

Hey there Colin and Laura!

Thank you for the comments, I really appreciate it! I will admit this poem was a bit more on the spot then my usual stuff. I tend to write with a metaphor or concept in mind, but this came out in one long thought, so I can totally understand how some of the metaphors are hard to understand.

As for the line breaks, I like very broken lines that leave words by themselves to play with pacing, but I definitely could have put more thought into where they break.

Thank you for the critique!

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Laura Taylor

Fri 12th May 2017 12:14

Some cracking lines in here


where cars run rare
and exude mating calls
through means
of
rap.
Across from
the
funeral home
with running rust
that
synonymous to melting

Lots of ideas in here. Would you consider tidying up the line lengths? Bringing the shorter ones maybe into each other? They don't always make much sense being cut where they are.

<Deleted User> (13762)

Fri 12th May 2017 08:14

I like the idea behind this although a few of the lines leave me guessing at their meaning. I also like the idea of the students creating new meaning to that part of town - it's a fair enough summation of all things arty in a world where each generation has to find its own point of reference. Thanks for posting Connor.
Col.

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