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Privacy was never promised ...

Have you ever had a pressing need to poo

privately - politely - any hole will do?

At last – reprieve! - but the door won't latch

and it swings back and forth back and forth

until you must ignore it to get on with business?


Just as you drop your drawers with sycophant relief

someone sits beside you upon a velvet cushion

like those in a gaudy theatre and starts to make small talk

very touchy-feely with a white-gloved hand?


Then - a posh crowd strolls by  all stiff ties and bulging bosoms

with hor d'oerves and cocktails

certainly discussing mighty matters as they run the world?

They will see you enthroned - smell your stinky poo -


mean – unfair– and just plain NASTY.


But when humiliation seems entire -

you realize - somehow – that all is not as it seems:

there really is no pungent odour -

the chatter is like TV on mute -

you can't actually feel those fingers on your thigh -

and finally you wise up:  'OK! JOKE'S OVER! 


Your Dream bows out almost gagging with glee.

But the deed is dood:

Analysis must hoe its furrow

looking for symbols from long- buried memories

of your convoluted past, and concludes:

'Food and poo are requisites of life

But privacy was never promised.'

Or summat like that.

I refuse to pursue it further

Freud or no Freud.

There is a limit to what you want to know.





Cynthia Buell Thomas, March 2016

◄ Do not dismiss Mythology

Families ►


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Michelle Smith

Sat 26th Nov 2016 17:54

This poem made chuckle, we tend to forget the human side us and our bodily functions. This is a jolly good.

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Ronnie leek

Tue 29th Mar 2016 09:15

Great fun, Cynthia. And topical too with the young lady in the news popping a poo in her purse.

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Martin Elder

Wed 23rd Mar 2016 17:24

very good Cynthia. I can never imagine you finding yourself in such a position. Will you be reading this next month?

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Laura Taylor

Wed 23rd Mar 2016 11:20

Hahaa - brilliant Cynthia! Cleverly unfurled (hmm - should that be uncurled?!) this poem, and I have to say that 'digging about' did make me wince a little. I'd say it'd be unintentional in another writer, but it's you, so it's not :p

I had a night terror the other night involving a dangerously threatening branch of a holly tree with bright red berries. That's a first. Still pondering that one. It's usually spiders.

Anyhoo - I thoroughly enjoyed this :D

ps, there's an 'i' missing from 'digging'

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Lynn Dye

Mon 21st Mar 2016 14:45

Great fun, Cynthia. We obviously have the very same dreams! :-)

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Graham Sherwood

Mon 21st Mar 2016 13:13

Damn damn damn!
I read this and wrote a comment and then deleted it, thinking it needed further attention!

Like the queen Cynthia I had you down for being one who never needed the toilet (lol) and thus was summarily shocked at the content.

I will revisit

Ps Mighty Greg and Graham? Are you still dreaming?

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 21st Mar 2016 10:49

And who should be on line but the mighty Greg and Graham - so much for sneaking this on site, on a quiet Monday morning! I couldn't resist it. It was such fun to write.

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