Not a word has been spoken
Within that always moment
Eyes meeting eyes
The moist upon her lip
His smile like morning
Forever passes one to the other
Roaring, splashing, noise and colour
Weaving an electric tapestry
That will bind them both forever
As they part
Returning to the darkness
Never looking back
i found myself reading this a few times. i like the way it takes something so often wrote about and, while staying true to the intimacy and physicality of the moment, broadens the theme using clever language and movement.
Roaring, splashing, noise and colour
Weaving an electric tapestry
this is so sensory and visceral. puts an entirely different slant on it.
The moist upon her lip
i have read so many poems with the line 'her moist lips' but 'the moist on her lips' i love. subtle difference but intriguing.
Forever passes one to the other
i love the way this strays from the intimate and portrays the infinite (poetic myself i must say). i try to do this in my poems, go from personal to spiritual or small to enormous.
it also has an intriguing ending, with hints of sadness.
gets me thinking, is she still alive? is there something here beyond a mere kiss?
really enjoyed this. its mysterious and sensuous and just plain good.
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Andy N
Thu 14th Jan 2016 13:01
excellent, excellent, excellent. not a word too much or out of place.
top stuff matey.
hope you are ok
andy