Within Four Walls

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Through the bay window

 

 the evening sky turns a gentle shade of

 

   pink and violet…

 

The setting sun

 

glistens on a ‘planes vapour trail

 

and I think of my husband

 

halfway across the Atlantic

 

of my son on the other side of the world…

 

and my lover

 

two miles down the road…

 

 

  

gus jonsson group

◄ It's Only Words

Comments

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Hugh

Mon 26th Nov 2012 13:54

A shock last line ,unexpected but excellent!!

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winston plowes

Fri 6th Aug 2010 21:50

I have a theory that windows are more interesting than television most of the time. This confirms it. Great punch at th end. Win

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John Aikman

Fri 19th Feb 2010 11:35

Excellent stuff. I love a poem that bites you on the bum at the end...although I agree the last line is superfluous...and distracts me (with its tautolgical cliche) from the lovely lover's twist that preceeds it.

Goodstuff!

:)

jx

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Ray Morgan

Fri 19th Feb 2010 11:25

I think this is a great poem. It's simple yet it conjures up a whole world. Very effective.

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Francine

Fri 11th Dec 2009 21:15

Really like this Rosalind, as it leaves a lot to the reader's imagination...

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John Darwin

Mon 2nd Nov 2009 17:29

Hello Ros, I was sure I had commented on this poem before as I adore its poignant simplicity. Maybe I have heard you read it? If not I would like to very much.

thanks
John

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barrie singleton

Sat 25th Jul 2009 23:08

Great fun. I would have scrubbed the last line.
I have this nagging feeling that a lover 'two miles down the road' should be code or a euphemism.
I am reminded of 'The Glums': . . . "just you and me and that couple over there on the verge".
I trust your name and photo are bogus?

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Jeff Dawson

Sat 4th Jul 2009 14:30

Brilliant Ros, such a naughty twist, great stuff - it says far far more than the few lines it contains, Jeff X

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Anthony Emmerson

Wed 1st Jul 2009 01:30

Hi Rosalind,

Liked this - because I didn't see it coming. Sharp contrast and a sense of distance/ solitude. Well done.

Regards,
A.E.

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Gus Jonsson

Tue 30th Jun 2009 23:21

Het ho Rozo This is just gobsmackingly outstanding... very impressed.
Well done... Keep it up
Deserving of far more support and comment insofar as this is your 2nd poem EVER!!!

Well done again
Gus xx

<Deleted User> (6292)

Tue 30th Jun 2009 10:55

Hello Rosalind
This is a plaintive and sad poem, simply written,
a gentle but stark reminder of just how complexed being alone becomes.

Is your husband on business or is he flying the coup.

Augusta

darren thomas

Tue 30th Jun 2009 08:55

I like this. I like this because the simplicity of words, is in sharp contrast to the potential complexity of a situation.

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Dave Bradley

Mon 29th Jun 2009 23:05

This works beautifully as a poem.

As a way of life on the other hand.........

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Isobel

Mon 29th Jun 2009 18:05

Oh you monkey Ros - wouldn't mind guessing where your thoughts linger longest...

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