Through the bay window
the evening sky turns a gentle shade of
pink and violet…
The setting sun
glistens on a ‘planes vapour trail
and I think of my husband
halfway across the
of my son on the other side of the world…
and my lover
two miles down the road…
I have a theory that windows are more interesting than television most of the time. This confirms it. Great punch at th end. Win
Excellent stuff. I love a poem that bites you on the bum at the end...although I agree the last line is superfluous...and distracts me (with its tautolgical cliche) from the lovely lover's twist that preceeds it.
Goodstuff!
:)
jx
I think this is a great poem. It's simple yet it conjures up a whole world. Very effective.
Really like this Rosalind, as it leaves a lot to the reader's imagination...
Hello Ros, I was sure I had commented on this poem before as I adore its poignant simplicity. Maybe I have heard you read it? If not I would like to very much.
thanks
John
Great fun. I would have scrubbed the last line.
I have this nagging feeling that a lover 'two miles down the road' should be code or a euphemism.
I am reminded of 'The Glums': . . . "just you and me and that couple over there on the verge".
I trust your name and photo are bogus?
Brilliant Ros, such a naughty twist, great stuff - it says far far more than the few lines it contains, Jeff X
Hi Rosalind,
Liked this - because I didn't see it coming. Sharp contrast and a sense of distance/ solitude. Well done.
Regards,
A.E.
Het ho Rozo This is just gobsmackingly outstanding... very impressed.
Well done... Keep it up
Deserving of far more support and comment insofar as this is your 2nd poem EVER!!!
Well done again
Gus xx
<Deleted User> (6292)
Tue 30th Jun 2009 10:55
Hello Rosalind
This is a plaintive and sad poem, simply written,
a gentle but stark reminder of just how complexed being alone becomes.
Is your husband on business or is he flying the coup.
Augusta
darren thomas
Tue 30th Jun 2009 08:55
I like this. I like this because the simplicity of words, is in sharp contrast to the potential complexity of a situation.
This works beautifully as a poem.
As a way of life on the other hand.........
Oh you monkey Ros - wouldn't mind guessing where your thoughts linger longest...
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Hugh
Mon 26th Nov 2012 13:54
A shock last line ,unexpected but excellent!!