dry drowning

The day suffocates my soul

Each minute sends me further

The more I fight the harder my body fights back

Good things happen but I am blind

The only thing I hear is silence

Faces pass, I smile back only out of habit

My body has learned how to pretend

But my mind will never grasp the concept

My heart aches constantly

It pushes against my rib cage

It is a prisoner trying to escape

At this point I am three feet under

Drowning isn’t caused by water

My ears start to ring

My vision becomes impaired

Darkness and silence have consumed my existence

My breathing is a metronome

Steady and slow as my lungs focus only on their purpose

My body is moving but with no help from me

Am I even alive?

I go through the motions

I am merely a rollercoaster

No destination or thought process

I move along the tracks in silence

Everyone around me enjoys this but I feel nothing

My body comes to a halt

Everyone leaves and once again I am alone

I question if I was ever accompanied

Was it all a dream?

The metronome is cut off

The ringing in my ears has been silenced

My body and I are no longer fighting

My eyes open wide, one last time

But I see nothing

My mouth drops but to no surprise

Water doesn’t drown

Suicide is nothing but an idea

This is homicide

The tragedy: A mind cannot be convicted

At this point I am six feet under

She pulls me out once more

She thinks she is helping

I close my eyes and pray for eternal darkness

But my body awakens

The journey begins again

It was only just a day

These days will continue to suffocate my soul




Robert Mann

Thu 3rd Sep 2015 23:58

Not suicide, but a desire for peace of mind, which no-one else can understand let alone provide. I feel your angst through the eloquence of your work.
If you would be so kind as to view my poem Black Dog, I hope you can see that there is hope, and more importantly an appreciation of life when you can battle through the 'episodes'.
Many thanks for sharing.

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